Nevertheless, in the depth of this abysmal testing and disintegration of my spirit, in December, 1950, I suddenly discovered completely new moral resources, a spring of new life, a peace and a happiness that I had never known before and which subsisted in the face of nameless, interior terror. In this journal, I have described the peace, not the terror: and I believe that I have done well, because as time went on, the peace grew and the terror vanished. It was the peace that was real, and the terror that was an illusion.
