Relationships: A Mess Worth Making

by Timothy S. Lane

Some of the weight of his burden will fall on you. It may cut into your lifestyle and require sacrifice. This may mean meeting with someone for a period of time. It may require a financial sacrifice. It may mean both. Where do you need to shoulder someone else’s burden? How will that change the way you use your time and money, talents, possessions, and reputation?

“Carry each other's burdens."

(1) Mercy is the kind, sympathetic, and forgiving treatment of others that works to relieve their distress and cancel their debt. Or (2) mercy is compassion combined with forbearance and action.

Real mercy is restless. It is not content with the status quo. It doesn’t rest until things are better for you. It works hard, costs a lot, and is ready to hang on until the job is done. Mercy is driven by three character qualities: Compassion. Compassion is a deep awareness of another’s suffering that leads to a desire to help. Compassion sees beyond one’s own difficulties to care about the difficulties of others. Forgiveness. Forgiveness pardons a person for an offense without treating him like a criminal or harboring resentment against him. Forbearance. Forbearance is patience under provocation. It is willing to stand alongside someone in trouble, even though it makes life more difficult.

Mercy means you expect suffering in your relationships and are willing to endure it

Mercy means you are willing to live with the poor

Mercy means you resist the temptation to favoritism

Mercy means you are committed to persevere in hardship Mercy sees hardship and does not run away. It jumps in and gets involved. Mercy does its best work when suffering is apparent or forgiveness is needed. It doesn’t look for a way out just because things have suddenly gotten hard. Mercy that does not persevere isn’t mercy.

Mercy means living for an agenda higher than my present happiness. Mercy is willing to involve itself in things that are not happy or comfortable. It finds more joy in doing God’s will than in a comfortable, predictable life.

Mercy is so engaged by the beauty of the big things God is doing that it doesn’t have time to focus on things that are of no consequence.

A commitment to mercy will reveal the treasures of your heart Why do we struggle with offering mercy? We struggle because there are things we desire more than God and his glory. Our struggle reveals that our hearts are ruled more by comfort, appreciation, respect, love, success, control, achievement, possessions, position, power, and acceptance than we have been willing to admit.

If you want to discover what you treasure, look at your schedule and checkbook. How you relate to time and money says a lot about your relationship with God. It also speaks volumes about how you view other people.

The average person gives once he has enough to support his chosen lifestyle. The Macedonians gave in the context of their lack of resources. Statistics show that those who make $10,000 or less tend to give away 5.5 percent of their income, while those who make $100,000 or more give only 2.9 percent. Generosity is not hampered by a lack of resources, and it is not the sole prerogative of the wealthy.

The point is: a $70,000 salary does not have to be accompanied by a $70,000 lifestyle. God is calling us to be conduits of his grace, not cul-de-sacs.

Think about who you were before you became a Christian. You were poor, alienated from God, an object of his wrath, enslaved to sin, and condemned to eternal death. But in Christ, you are reconciled to God, an object of his affection, a recipient of his cleansing work on the cross, a temple of the Holy Spirit, and immensely rich! Placing your confidence in this reality is what will make you generous. Because you are the recipient of God’s riches in Christ, you are willing to share with others not simply out of your abundance, but even when you have to sacrifice.

Time is a resource we all have in equal quantities. What does your use of time say about your attitude toward God and others?

a more awkward but appropriate rendering of this verse would be, “As you go about your life in this ‘in-between time,’ use it to its fullest to display the grace of Christ to others.” In light of this new information, how do we understand what this verse is asking of us?

It means that you see your life in light of your various callings This passage is saying, “Make the most of every area in which God has placed you.”

Our tendency is to live with a “get through this season” mentality. We say to ourselves, If I can just get through this busy season of life, then I will be okay. This is an ungodly understanding of your current responsibilities and opportunities.

You must see the context in which these things take place Paul says, “Because the days are evil.” You live in a war zone. You get out of bed every morning and there is a battle raging for your soul, your life, your friendships, and your marriage. You can’t afford to waste these moments.

The “reality” you see will be the reality you live by.

Imagine standing in an art gallery where the walls are covered with beautiful paintings. The only problem is that the lights are out and you can’t see them! Imagine that wonderful music is playing, but your ears are plugged with cotton. Imagine that you are eating an exquisite meal, but a head cold causes the flavors to run over your tongue unnoticed.

the Bible says that two fundamental things characterize those who are in Christ. First, there has been a radical change in the core of our being. The Bible says that our hearts of stone have been replaced by hearts of flesh. Ezekiel 36:26 says, “I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.” Paul is referring to the same thing when he says we are a new creation in Christ (2 Corinthians 5:17). This wonderful reality does not mean that we have become perfect, but that our hearts are malleable, sensitive, and alive to God.

The Bible also stirs our imagination by explaining our connection to God as his children. Our new standing is legal, but it is also personal and practical.

When you are in this place of neediness and discouragement, you want answers and strategies, but God gives us something better. God’s provision simply can’t be reduced to answers and strategies because his provision is tied to his presence. God knows that our need is much bigger and deeper than what we think will satisfy it. So he not only gives us practical advice, he gives us himself. He is our wisdom. He is our strength. He is our forgiveness. He is our Father.

The stakes are high: the reality our imagination embraces is the reality we will live by. If we are not captured by the truth of living in a deeply personal relationship with God, we will shrink our expectations and dreams down to the size of our own selfish wants, desires, and strategies.

When the gospel is given robust and healthy expression, the two work in graceful synchronicity. Explanation pins things down so that we can handle and use them—obey and teach, help and guide. Imagination opens things up so that we can grow into maturity—worship and adore, exclaim and honor, follow and trust.

The natural world should stimulate our imagination. The life and ministry of the body of Christ should expand our faith and worship. In the midst of life’s struggles and opportunities, we all need to ask how our imaginations can be stimulated to see and worship God. We should also look for the means God has given us to make this happen.

In Ephesians 5:11, Paul calls us to “expose” the “deeds of darkness.” The word Paul uses for “exposing” the darkness does not mean “point a finger and judge.” It means that we persuade people that the gospel is true because our lives are a compelling testimony to the God who has come for sinners. Paul continues his thought in verse 15, saying, “Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil.”

You are serving the King—and that is worship. Love for Christ will always extend itself to others. Thankfulness to Christ will always result in sharing our blessings with others. Enjoying the benefits of Christ’s forgiveness will always express itself in forgiveness to others. Gratitude for God’s loving pursuit will always lead us to pursue others—even when they don’t want to be pursued. Thankfulness for Christ’s willingness to enter our messy world will make us willing to enter someone else’s. Worship recognizes that our good relationships do not belong to us, but to Christ. Therefore, we cannot hoard them; we are compelled to share them with others. Our responses to people are always connected to our response to Christ.