Soul Cravings: An Exploration of the Human Spirit

by Erwin Raphael McManus

Like far too many people, Ann was unwanted when she was born, and she was raised in an abusive environment where she was physically, emotionally, and sexually abused. One of her earliest memories is at the age of three, standing in front of her mother while being screamed at for doing something wrong that she cannot remember. What she does remember is that while facing the barrage of noise, she thought to herself, if she could just hold her breath long enough, she could go away and never come back—three years old and already trying to end her life. Years later she jumped from one abusive environment to another. She married a man who was a drug addict and alcoholic, and liked to beat her up. She recalls how one night, only weeks after her second son’s birth, her husband was out with another woman. She remembers getting up for the 2:00 A.M. feeding and feeling very much alone in the world. It was pouring down rain. She sat at the window and told God that she had always believed that he was out there, but if this was it, if this was the way life was, there was no point in living. In her own words she writes, “I began to suffer from the Mack truck syndrome. ‘Dear God, please let a Mack truck run over him.’ I thought of ways to kill my husband, kill myself, and kill my children so that my husband would not be able to lay a hand on them. Realizing the futility of these thoughts, I asked God to reveal himself to me if life mattered to him at all. He did. That night at 2 AM, I wen...