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really good, obviously.”
Luis, joining him for the quietest part of his routines? He looks good here, in the nooks and crannies of Gene’s life.
also I kind of liked someone else.”
Finally, she points at Luis. “He has had a fat crush on you for years,” she says. “And I’m telling you this because it’ll piss Louie off.”
“Years?”
Since you have such a crush on me.”
“I had a crush on you way before this.”
He didn’t need to trust Luis would be there—he knew.
“I want you, too, Nada.”
he wants Luis Estrada, Baseball Player, to bat him home, and then he wants Luis Estrada, the person, to take him home.
“I’d been reading about you. That day, after I got the call-up.”
“I’m really proud of you, you know.”
“Always, yes. But especially today.”
Maybe, also, Gene can’t stomach the thought of Luis finally realizing that Gene isn’t anything special.
Maybe—maybe—this is what it feels like to let people love you even when you fail. Luis’s elbow on his shoulder, he’s got this—and he does. He has this team, and this game, and, he hopes someday, Luis.
“No,” Gene says. “I don’t think I could survive that again.”
“Which was useless, because I was already in love with you, so what was I protecting myself from? I was already fucked.”
“But I would really like to be scared with you,”
But it’s not the baseball that’s made me happy, you know?”
“What if I’m no good without you?”
“I think it’s stupid you spent so long not wanting the big things, Nes. I get it. But you’re special. Let yourself be special.”
“Because people are going to want them.”
So Gene lets himself want Luis, and this unlikely little life they have. No caveats, no asterisks, no gimmicks—he wants, and he wants, and he lets himself have it.
