House of Ash and Shadow (Gilded City, #1)

by Leia Stone

‘Fallon Bane, I live and breathe to serve you. I will never leave you,’ he declared and then lifted off the table and flew at me, perching on my shoulder.

This character has many things happen to her. She makes very few choices other than to “be good” which is a vague concept at best. It’s poor character development because we can’t see her active choices and follow the logic of her preferences. She essentially has no personality beyond what is told to us vs. what she active chooses

“Is that a lot?” Hipsie asked from behind us at the table. He shrugged. “I have no idea.” And we all burst into laughter.

There’s a lot of moments like this. Cheesy and doesn’t really add to the characters themselves other than to show they are generally light-hearted. Suppose it is good at keeping tone light, but doesn’t feel necessary

The Gilded City still didn’t feel like home.

Also a lot of pitfalls of this “telling not showing” problem. Author tells you what occurs rather than showing us actions. Makes story less engaging and difficult to put self into character.

‘I can’t have my first kiss with you, Yanric.’ He shook himself on my shoulder. ‘Of course not. Way to make it weird.’

Why add these cheesy moments. What do they add

spun on her in a flash of anger, chest heaving. “Of course I’m scared! Everyone keeps telling me my magic is evil! So why in the Light would I want to use it!” I screamed at her. I quickly glanced at Eden and the other students just in time to see their terrified looks because I’d just yelled at a teacher, but Master Knight seemed pleased with my outburst, as if she’d gotten what she wanted. She swooped down, grabbed my glove and slipped it over her hand. Then she reached out and grasped my wrist hard, shocking me. Pulling my hand up between us, she looked me dead in the eyes and I swear in that moment she saw my soul. “Because, Fallon Bane, if you do not learn to use your magic, your magic will use you. Now, I’m not like soft and sweet Master Clarke. I am here to actually teach you, so that you don’t end up like your mother.”

This relationship resolution feels forced and too fast

“Just like her mother’s.” Then she looked at me with disappointment, and I wanted to crawl into a hole and

I don’t understand why this character would expect anything else. Need to see more before having conflicting interests

Even though he’d just rejected me, I nodded in understanding and the song ended. Dropping my arms from his neck, I gave him a slight smile. “I’m going to find Eden. I’ll catch up with you later?”

Extremely understanding and mature for a 17 year old girl…..like unrealistic mature