The Abbess of Crewe

by Muriel Spark

Such a scandal could never arise in the United States of America. They have a sense of proportion and they understand Human Nature over there; it’s the secret of their success.

any priest for that matter, would be the last man I would myself elect to be laid by. A man who undresses, maybe; but one who unfrocks, no.’

‘The English Catholic bishops will be furious at your citing Milton,’ says Walburga. ‘It’s the Roman Cardinals who matter,’ says the Abbess, ‘and I doubt they have ever heard of him.’

‘What are scenarios?’ says Winifrede. ‘They are an art-form,’ says the Abbess of Crewe, ‘based on facts. A good scenario is a garble. A bad one is a bungle. They need not be plausible, only hypnotic, like all good art.’