The Abbess of Crewe

by Muriel Spark

Such a scandal could never arise in the United States of America. They have a sense of proportion and they understand Human Nature over there; it’s the secret of their success.

‘The more scandal there is from this point on the better. We are truly moving in a mythological context. We are the actors; the press and the public are the chorus.

Philosophers, when they cease philosophizing and take up action, are dangerous.’

Yes indeed :)

She wants a stamped receipt from Almighty God for every word she spends, every action, as if she can later deduct it from her income-tax returns. Felicity will never see the point of faith unless it visibly benefits mankind.’

A Lady recognizes in the scientific methods of surveillance, such as electronics, a valuable and discreet auxiliary to her natural capacity for inquisitiveness; but a Bourgeoise regards such innovations in the light of demonology and considers it more refined to sit and sew.

A Lady does not recognize the existence of a scandal which touches upon her own House; but a Bourgeoise broadcasts it urbi et orbi, which is to say, all over the place.

‘Sisters, be sober, be vigilant. I don’t speak of morals, but of ethics. Our topics are not those of sanctity and holiness, which rest with God; it is a question of whether you are ladies or not, and that is something we decide.

Think up your best scenarios, Sisters.’ ‘What are scenarios?’ says Winifrede. ‘They are an art-form,’ says the Abbess of Crewe, ‘based on facts. A good scenario is a garble. A bad one is a bungle. They need not be plausible, only hypnotic, like all good art.’