Becoming Who You Are: Insights on the True Self from Thomas Merton and Other Saints

by James Martin

Before coming to know the true self, one must confront the false self that one has usually spent a lifetime constructing and nourishing.

This is so hard, because it feels like a lot of the work we put into becoming this false self will have been for nothing. It’s hard to throw hard work into the trash. But it isn’t what we’re doing, really, when we come into our own. Salk that work still was important to the journey of discovering our true self. We can let go of it, and the life we built, knowing we can use those skills to build a truer one now.

The self that I had long presented to others—the person interested in climbing the corporate ladder, in always being clever and hip, in knowing how to order the best wines, in attending the hottest parties, and in getting into the hippest clubs, in never doubting my place in the world, in always being, in a word, cool—that person was unreal. That person was nothing more than a mask I wore. And I knew it.

It’s not as if we can’t have enjoyed being that person. At some level, I enjoy being esteemed by my peers in my creative endeavors, I enjoy being a figure to admire. But that’s not why I do the art, do the work. And fears related to being known as a figure or artist get in the way of the art. I don’t create for views, for esteem, or because I feel like others would benefit from my unique content. I create because I am driven to from the inside. If others benefit, all the better. But that other person, while often fun, isn’t me. And that’s okay.

As Richard Rohr writes, “Once you learn to live as your true self, you can never be satisfied with this charade again: it then feels so silly and superficial.”

Not in a “better than thou” way, though some can fall back into that.

The gifts and talents and natural desires that had been placed in me by God were valued by others and needed to be valued by me.

So how do you determine if something is an essential part of your true self or simply an unfreedom that needs to be challenged? Good question. Basically, one has to ask, “Is this part of myself keeping me from being more loving and generous? Is this keeping me from being closer to God and to other people?” If the answer is yes, perhaps it may be time to consider how you could move away from whatever prevents you from being more loving and generous.

the parts of us that we think are worthless are what God sometimes puts to the best use.

The Bible is rife with examples of this, sometimes obvious, sometimes hidden. Often even with the saints, what they struggle with the most often becomes their ministry.

God writes straight, as the proverb goes, with crooked lines.

Amen, amen! The path to heaven is narrow and goes straight there—but like a winding mountain path, important to follow, but built into the natural landscape of the world around you.