Depression: Looking Up from the Stubborn Darkness

by Edward T. Welch

when depressed people interject their skewed and self-defeating interpretations of life, you can’t sit idly by. You need to challenge and interrupt their inaccurate interpretation because it is wrong and leads to deeper despair. This, of course, is normal behavior in loving relationships. With depression, however, friends sometimes don’t pursue these normal interactions. Perhaps they are afraid that the depressed person will feel rejected. Perhaps they are afraid that the least provocation could lead to suicide. As a result, depressed people are often handled very gingerly. You feel as if you are carrying a torch around a bomb with a short fuse. Wisdom and love, of course, must dominate your relationships with those who are depressed, as they should dominate any relationship. But if you find that you are increasingly reluctant to say important things, reconsider your path. Talk to someone who has been on a similar path. If you are slow to say the things you think are important, you are not really engaging in a relationship. As a rule, the closer the relationship, the more open you should be with the other person. Don’t hesitate to interrupt the flow of despair, self-pity, and complaints that only reinforce the person’s unbiblical interpretations of God and himself. To do this too early in your relationship with depressed people (or anyone) communicates that you don’t really want to understand. It can silence people. But when your purpose is explained, it can be easily unde...