If you think suicide is a good or viable option, you don’t know God. You think he is silent, but he is not. He is generous in the way he reveals himself, and he speaks clearly. He speaks of his patience and love for you. He calls you to trust him and to let that trust express itself in love toward others. He says he gives you grace to persevere and teaches you how to persevere. Maybe you are listening for something other than what he is saying.