The Girl with the Curly Hair - Asperger's and Me

by Alis Rowe

Don’t ever push your child to be more sociable. Aspies need less time socialising and more time being alone in order to manage.

I don’t remember exactly what happened that made me hate the class so much. I know I was very shy and very quiet and immediately aware I didn’t fit in. Everyone else already knew one another, they all talked and laughed and included each other in their groups. I was generally ignored by everyone, even the teachers. I guess it was the Asperger’s barrier, showing its face again. In that moment, I just wanted to be ‘normal.’ I wanted to break the glass wall around me and experience life in the same way that the other children did. I felt very different - a “freak,” a social pariah.

Friendship and its expectations of reciprocity can be exhausting for teenagers with Asperger’s Syndrome, even though we often really want friends. The expectations of friendship, such as the phone calls, the girl talks, listening to other people’s feelings... can be overwhelming.

For many years my social outlet was a simulation video game, where I could create characters and make their worlds.

‘AS boys often appear like “little professors,” who are experts in one subject, but AS girls are more like “little philosophers.”’ (Susan Moffitt6, 2011)

Keep an eye on your daughter with AS. Sometimes it might look as though she’s in another world. We tend to live in our imagination and can escape into fiction, animals or nature.

I live inside my own mind. I prefer to be in it rather than out of it. Sometimes I feel sad because the world that is in my head does not truly exist. There is only the world outside.

was so shy and anxious around other kids - and sometimes I was mute. I absolutely hated it when the teacher made me work with someone different. Their reason being, “it’s good to learn to work with different types of people” and “it’s good to be out of your comfort zone sometimes.” The teachers did not realise that that’s exactly what I could not deal with. Every night I had shutdowns and I just wanted to be alone.

Weekends and school holidays were my milestones. I had a big calendar and ticked off the term days with gold stars. “If I can just last three more weeks... two more weeks... one more week, it’ll be okay. Then I will be on holiday for a long time.” The last day of term was always a huge relief.

I understand that the teenage years are often the hardest ones - whether you are NT or AS. I don’t think mainstream schools are suitable for children with AS. The pressure to conform is tremendous, it’s usual for teenagers to face constant bullying and rejection. As parents, if the pressure on your child to conform is too much for them and the teaching staff are uncooperative, decide whether it’s in your child’s best interest to find another school or enter specialist education.

Pets can be really helpful for children and adults with AS. They are highly therapeutic and teach responsibility and maturity. Just simply being with or stroking an animal provides mental and learning benefits.

My stims are ‘tactile’, which means that they relate to touch and feeling. When I was little, I stimmed on my dog’s ears. I’ve had a cuddly toy koala bear ever since I was a baby and I stroke him in the same place every night

I’ve always noticed and found it really fascinating how I can be so mature in some aspects of life but then so immature in others. I often describe myself as being either a 10 year old or a 50 year old, but never in between. I have that “wise mind, youthful spirit” persona. When I was a teenager, it was a huge struggle to actually be a teenager.

‘As a consequence of this condition, I believe I am a bewildered stranger in our social world.’ (Lianne Holliday Wiley7, 1999)

I tend to get on better with older people than people my own age and, as a child, I remember enjoying the company and attention of adults.

I might be very capable academically, but I still have the emotional characteristics of a child.

I don’t ever actively seek out friends or take part in socialising, but if I do find someone who happens to share some interests, I’m more likely to enjoy building a relationship with them.

Many people with Asperger’s Syndrome tend to think a lot and at deeper levels. You may ask questions that can’t be answered, which can make you feel frustrated or depressed. These can be questions that others rarely ever think about. Other people can accept that life “just is.” They accept ‘not knowing.’ But I know that I am always questioning. Are you?

I have a close eye for incorrectly spelt words or incorrect punctuation. When I look at something, the first thing I notice will be that missing apostrophe or spelling mistake.

People on the autistic spectrum usually feel “different” and “misplaced,” so it’s vital we’re able to find our special place in the world in the form of a hobby or project. We can fulfil our natural perfectionistic tendencies in something we are good at!