Codependents, for example, may eagerly seek help, thinking experts can tell them what to do to stop someone from using chemicals. They are disappointed when they learn that they can do nothing to alter the addict’s behavior, that they are powerless. When the expert suggests that they look at their own behavior and begin to make changes in themselves, they often back away. They are particularly apt to be turned off when people in Al-Anon tell them, “We don’t come here to change our spouse. We come here to change ourselves.”
