Addictive Thinking: Understanding Self-Deception

by Abraham J. Twerski

“A codependent person is one who has let another person’s behavior affect him or her, and who is obsessed with controlling that person’s behavior.” 1

In an obsessional neurosis, it is an irrational idea that plagues the person. In a compulsive neurosis, it is an irrational act.

Trying to resist the urge can produce so much anxiety and discomfort that the individual may give in to it simply to get relief from the intense pressure.

I CANNOT STRESS ENOUGH the importance of realizing that addicts are taken in by their own distorted thinking and that they are its victims. If we fail to understand this, we may feel frustrated or angry in dealing with the addict.

Addictive thinking is not affected by intelligence. People functioning at the highest intellectual levels are as vulnerable to these thinking distortions as anyone else. In fact, people of unusually high intellect often have more intense degrees of addictive thinking. Thus, highly intellectual people may be the most difficult patients to treat.

The more brilliant a person is, the more ingenious are his or her reasons for not being abstinent

our culture thrives on technology that eliminates waiting. We are consumers of microwaves, fax machines, cell phones, and instant foods. Even if one can envision “happiness” coming later in life, the prevailing ethos of instant gratification makes a long wait intolerable.

To effectively prevent substance use among young people, we would have to establish ultimate goals in life other than sense gratification and teach tolerance

for delay. Our culture is not likely to embrace these changes. Instead, our culture em...

Identification of addictive thinking must come from outside the addict.

Much of the denial in addictive, distorted thinking is due to intense resistance to change. As long as someone denies reality, he or she can continue behaving the same as before. Acceptance of reality might commit him or her to the very difficult process of change.

Often, people have no problem with change as long as the change occurs in someone else.

feelings of inadequacy are often particularly intense in people who are the most gifted.

Part of addiction is the immediacy of the high. Delay is not within the addict’s frame of reference. The addict does think about the future but only in terms of moments, not years. When drinking or using other drugs, addicts do think about the consequences: the glow, a feeling of euphoria, relaxation, detachment from the world, and perhaps sleep.

We are part of a culture that values the delivery of service in seconds—email, the internet, and fast-food restaurants all provide nearly instant gratification. We all, in some ways, operate with the addictive concept of time. We’ve polluted the air, rivers, and oceans for short-term gain, disregarding long-range effects. We’ve destroyed forests and other habitats of endangered species with little regard for turning this world over to future generations. Are we not disregarding the future, very much as the addict does?

pocket, took out a small diary, and, after fingering the pages, looked up and said, “Nine thousand, eight hundred, and thirty-four days.” I asked, “What is that? Twenty-five or thirty years?” With complete sincerity, he replied, “You know, doctor, I don’t really know. Maybe you can afford to think in terms of years. I have to think in terms of days.”

A major source of children’s security is reliance on adults, primarily parents. If children think their parents or other significant adults are irrational, unjust, and arbitrary, the anxiety is intolerable. Therefore, children must maintain, at whatever cost, a conviction that the world is fair, just, and rational.

even if children are abused or unfairly punished, they may be unable to believe, My parents are crazy. They punish me for no good reason. This would be too terrifying a concept to tolerate. To preserve the notion that their parents are rational and predictable, their only option is to conclude, I must somehow be bad to have been punished this way.

Many thinking distortions are not necessarily related to substance use. For example, fear of rejection, anxiety, isolation, and despair often result from low self-esteem. Many of the quirks of addictive thinking are psychological defenses against these painful feelings, and these symptoms are due to the persistence of the distorted self-image that began in childhood.

I would argue that rather than low self-esteem, it is lack of understanding of God's love and one's identity in Christ that leads to these desires to control or hide one's inadequacy. Because we are inadequate on our own. That low self esteem is warranted outside the cross.

THE THREE MOST COMMON ELEMENTS in addictive thinking are denial, rationalization, and projection.

Lying is a willful and conscious distortion of facts or concealment of truth. A liar is aware of lying. The denial of an addictive thinker is neither conscious nor willful, and the addict may sincerely believe that he or she is telling the truth.

Addicts react according to their unconscious perceptions. If these perceptions were valid, their behavior would be perfectly understandable. Unless we can show them that their perception is faulty, we cannot expect their reactions and behavior to change.

Virtually all of an addict’s defense mechanisms are unconscious, and their function is to protect the addict from some intolerable, unacceptable, and catastrophic awareness.

Rationalization and projection serve at least two main functions: They reinforce denial, and they preserve the status quo.

Rationalization means providing “good” reasons instead of the true reason.

A fairly reliable rule of thumb is that when people offer more than one reason for doing something, they are probably rationalizing. Usually the true reason for any action is a single one.

When reality seems too unbearable, the addict neither adjusts to it nor fantasizes it away. Rather, an actively practicing addict uses substances and becomes oblivious to reality.

The main distinction between guilt and shame is this: The guilty person says, “I feel guilty for something I have done.” The shame-filled person says, “I feel shame for what I am.”

Grandiosity and the delusion of omnipotence often go together. Both may well be desperate efforts to avoid the awareness of impotence.

“Hi, everybody, I’m home!” The wife and children, absorbed in an exciting television program, respond absentmindedly and do not jump up to greet him. To this man, their lack of response indicates how little they value him. How do you like that? I break my neck all day to provide adequately for them, and this is how they appreciate me.

Shows a lack of knowledge and assurance of who one is in Christ, as a believer.

To him, this lack of appreciation is a gross injustice, and he feels intense anger. Or, when his wife shows attention to her friends, he may feel she doesn’t value him enough, and he becomes angry with her for “humiliating” him.

Many addicts are self-described loners. Indeed, the only way they can associate with others without discomfort is when they have anesthetized themselves with substances.

Initially, the addict’s expectations of rejection are based on a misperception and become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Because addicts think so poorly of themselves, they think other people will reject them. As the defensive maneuvers increase, the anticipated rejection is no longer a fantasy. People do avoid them, which in turn reinforces their poor self-image.

TRUE RECOVERY FROM ADDICTION means more than simple abstinence. It means relinquishing the pathological thought system and adopting a healthy one.

A person will gravitate from a condition that appears to be one of greater distress to a condition that appears to be one of lesser distress and never in the reverse direction. According to this law, it is impossible for a person to choose greater distress.

occurs. Rock bottom is nothing more than a change of perception, where abstinence is seen as a lesser distress than substance use. If at any time after abstinence is achieved, even many years later, abstinence becomes the greater distress, relapse will occur.

A therapist can learn what each person defines as rewards and distress in order to help the person put addiction and abstinence in proper perspective.

It means overcoming addictive thinking. The formula can be shown as follows: Recovery = Abstinence + Change

Addicts must learn that their concept of reality and thought processes are distorted.

In contrast to animals, which have only physical urges and desire, human beings crave spiritual fulfillment as well. When this spiritual need goes unmet, humans feel vague unrest. While hunger, thirst, or the sex drive are easily identified, spiritual craving is harder to recognize and fulfill.