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He leaned in, and he kissed me, and his lips were cold and salty from the ocean.
Susannah was dead.
STOPPPPP
my eyes again. I was wearing sunglasses, so she couldn’t tell if my eyes were
he protested.
STOPPPPP
I understood what he was going through, because I was sort of going through it too.
back down in front of the mirror and said, “Well, then wear that black dress with
But even though Cory was cute, and he was nice, he was no Conrad.
I thought about going to Conrad’s room, because even though we weren’t saying anything, it was better when we were together, less lonely.
Poor Jeremiah :((
Not our Susannah, not Beck. You always hear about people getting better, beating the odds. I was sure Susannah would be one of them. Even if it was only a one in a million chance. She was one in a million.
had to take a leave of absence from work. She had a room at Susannah’s
at her when she didn’t look her best. Dead people looked fake, she explained. Like they were made of wax. I reminded myself that the person
Poor Jeremiah :((
the way he kept disappearing. “Let’s leave him alone for a while,” Jeremiah said. “Are you guys hungry?” I was, but I didn’t want to say so. “Are you?” “Yeah, sort of. There’s food downstairs.” His voice
There are moments in life that you wish with all your heart you could take back. Like, just erase
from existence. Like, if you could, you’d erase yourself right out of existence too, just to make that moment not exist.
The look on his face made me want to die.
It wasn’t Conrad I hated. It was myself.
I would never be somebody’s favorite again. I would never be a kid again, not in the same way. That was all over now. She was really gone.
“Belly, it’s Jeremiah. Conrad’s gone.” “What do you mean ‘gone’?” Suddenly I was wide awake and my heart was in my throat. Gone had come to mean something different, in a way that it hadn’t used to. Something permanent.
It was that if he left, really left, he might never come back. And that scared me more than I could say.
No one on this earth affected me the way Conrad Fisher did.
I hated to leave her and I hated to be near her, because she made me remember what I wanted most to forget. Susannah was gone, and she wasn’t coming back, and none of us would be the same ever again.
“I do so need you, even if you are a terrible best friend. Boyfriends aren’t the same as best friends and you know it. Pretty soon we’ll be in college, you know. What if we go to different schools? What then?” Taylor glared at me, her eyes accusing.
out her hand to me and we hooked pinkies. “Is that what you’re wearing?” Taylor asked me suddenly.
down at my gray camisole, I said, “Well, yeah.” She shook her head so fast her blond hair swished all around. “Is that
“When you see an ex, you have to look better than you’ve ever looked. It’s, like, the first rule of breakups. You have to make him think, ‘Damn, I missed out on that?’ It’s the only way.”
bag. “All you have in here is underwear
God, he looks so cute,” Taylor said, running
to the car. While he made room for my bag in the trunk, Taylor grabbed me by the elbow and said, “Call me when you get wherever you’re going,
she does.” And then neither of us said anything. We were just silent. chapter eight JEREMIAH I can pinpoint the exact moment everything changed. It was last summer. Con and I were sitting on the porch, and I was trying to talk to him about what a dick the
want her to be anything but just Belly. I’d known her my whole life. I’d never thought of her as a girl.
out by the pool, and she was cracking up over something I said,
She was too busy looking at Conrad. For as long as any of us could remember, she had loved Conrad.
When I was near her, I just wanted to grab her and hold her and kiss the shit out of her. Maybe then she’d finally forget about my asshole of a brother.
talked to Con in a while. I have no clue where he’d go. I was hoping you’d have some ideas.” The thing was, I didn’t. Not really. Not at all, actually. I cleared my throat. “Conrad and I haven’t
gotten to be pretty friendly. Nona was pragmatic and also intensely spiritual. She invited my mother to go to church with her once, and even though my mother was not religious in the least, she went. At first I thought it was just to humor Nona, but then when
me. I hugged her, carefully as I could, I told her she looked so much better. I lied. She said Jeremiah wouldn’t be home until later that night, that us girls had the house all to ourselves for the afternoon. My
I hated him more than anything. I loved him more than anything. Because, he was everything. And I hated that, too.
really opening my mouth. “What kind was it?” “A white orchid,” he said. “My mom picked it out.”
was even a director’s chair off to the side. We sat at a table with Taylor and Davis. With her four-and-a-half-inch stilettos, they were the same height.
weird. I’d thought he was staying at Laurel’s house and then going straight back to school. I stopped by his room, but he was asleep, and pretty soon after, I passed out too. That
“I just—want to always know that you’re okay. It’s important to me.”
But I didn’t regret it. I never regretted it, not for
one second. How do you regret one of the best nights of your entire life? You don’t. You remember every word, every look. Even when it hurts, you still remember.
“Yup. She’s my girlfriend.” I think I choked out loud.
It took a minute for everything to sink in. Conrad didn’t just run away to surf. He didn’t run away for the sake of running away. He came to save the house.
school and take his stupid tests. Giving him time was a huge mistake. I could
Mr. Fisher didn’t say anything, he just nodded and
rubbed the back of his neck. Then he walked up the porch steps and sat in the chair next to mine. He picked up my beer and took a long drink. “How’s Conrad?” he asked,
I didn’t want to make the same mistakes my parents made. I didn’t want my love to fade away one day like an old scar. I wanted it to burn forever.
in one shot. I took a teeny sip of mine, and it wasn’t too bad. I’d never had
