Basing your life on what you hope will happen rather than what is happening has been part of the reason for how you ended up being so frustrated, angry, and hurt. This is not to discount that some of the experiences you have had with the BP/NP were quite unpleasant and disturbing. But a lot of the angst, confusion, and indecision has been the result of the conflict in your own mind between what you think should be happening and what is happening and between what you and the BP/NP pretend is happening and what is happening.
