The Genesee Diary: Report from a Trappist Monastery

by Henri J.M. Nouwen

So our life can rightly be a waiting in expectation, but waiting patiently and with a smile. Then, indeed, we shall be really surprised and full of joy and gratitude when he comes.

Kotzker (Rabbi Menahem Mendl of Kotzk): “He who thinks that he has finished is finished.”3 How true. Those who think that they have arrived, have lost their way. Those who think they have reached their goal, have missed it. Those who think they are saints, are demons. An important part of the spiritual life is to keep longing, waiting, hoping, expecting.

With the diminishing silence, a sense of inner contamination developed. In the beginning, I didn’t know why I felt somewhat dirty, dusty, impure, but it dawned on me that the lack of silence might have been the main cause.

God should be sought, but we cannot find God. We can only be found by him.

As soon as we identify God with any specific event or situation, we play God and distort the truth.

There is a great and subtle temptation to suggest to myself or others where God is working and where not, when he is present and when not, but nobody, no Christian, no priest, no monk, has any “special” knowledge about God.

If words have to grow out of silence, I will need much silence to prevent my words from becoming flat and superficial.

the monastic life has three aspects: the praktikos, the ascetic practice; the theoria physica, a deeper understanding of the inner relationship of things; and the theologia, the mystical experience of God.

I put too much energy into any encounter, as if I have to prove each time anew that I am worth being with. “You put your whole identity at stake—and every time you start from scratch,”

“It is not necessary for being with God to be always at church. We may make an oratory of our heart wherein to retire from time to time to converse with him in meekness, humility, and love. Everyone is capable of such familiar conversation with God, some more, some less. He knows what we can do. Let us begin, then. Perhaps he expects but one generous resolution on our part. Have courage.”

Brother Lawrence

“In the beginner’s mind there is no thought ‘I have attained something.’ All self-centered thoughts limit our vast mind. When we have no thought of achievement, no thought of self, we are true beginners. Then we can really learn something. The beginner’s mind is the mind of compassion. When our mind is compassionate, it is boundless.”2

Beginners mind

God is the hub of the wheel of life. The closer we come to God the closer we come to each other.

I no longer can live without being reminded of the glimpse of God’s graciousness that I saw in my solitude, of the ray of light that broke through my darkness, of the gentle voice that spoke in my silence, and of the soft breeze that touched me in my stillest hour.