These polite dynamics also play out in ordinary family settings. When my brothers and I go home to see our parents, we all talk politely, staying away from sensitive subjects (or talking about certain subjects only with certain people), keeping things under control. Sometimes I am afraid that if I say what I am really thinking, others will be hurt and upset. I am afraid that I will rupture the family whole—which anyway isn’t so bad. So we all say what we always say, replaying the same conversations and the same family reality, over and over. Politeness maintains the status quo.
