“What was all that obsessing defending against?” I wondered. “Engagement,” she said quickly. “And why should engagement be frightening?” I puzzled. “Disappointment in the actuality of the experience,” she answered, after only a brief hesitation. Rather than risking an encounter that might not meet her expectations, Kelly held herself aloof in her mind, recoiling from an imagined disappointment. As our discussions continued, Kelly came to see that she was similarly avoiding any intimate relationship that had the least hint of ambivalence. She had no trouble concocting enormous crushes on
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