Self-Compassion: Stop Beating Yourself Up and Leave Insecurity Behind

by Kristin Neff

the feelings of connectedness we crave are forever out of reach.

When our sense of self-worth and belonging is grounded in simply being human, we can’t be rejected or cast out by others. Our humanity can never be taken away from us, no matter how far we

As Rick Hanson, author of The Buddha’s Brain, says, “our brain is like Velcro for negative experiences but Teflon for positive ones.”

Rumination about negative

events in the past leads to depression, while rumination about potentially negative events in the future leads to anxiety.

By being kind to ourselves when we experience black goo mind, remembering our inherent interconnectedness, we start to feel cared for, accepted, and secure. We balance the dark energy of negative emotions with the bright energy of love and social connection.

self-esteem is derived from thinking we’re good at things that have personal significance to us.

Any threat to our mental representation of who we are, therefore, feels like an actual, visceral threat, and we respond as powerfully as a soldier defending his very life.

We are a verb not a noun, a process rather than a fixed “thing.” Our actions change—mercurial beings that we are—according to time, circumstance, mood, setting.

self-compassion is a way of relating to the mystery of who we are.

The number one reason people give for why they aren’t more compassionate to themselves is fear of laziness and self-indulgence.

“self-appreciation.” When we can enjoy what’s good about ourselves, acknowledging that all people have strengths as well as weaknesses, we allow ourselves to revel in our goodness without evoking feelings of arrogance, superiority, or overconfidence.