Very British Problems: Making Life Awkward for Ourselves, One Rainy Day at a Time

by Rob Temple

Despite the fact that you are now 43, turning bright red when you’re watching television with your parents and the actors so much as hug.

Replying, ‘No I don’t,’ when someone says you look good.

The overwhelming dread which accompanies the sentence: ‘Before we start, let’s just go round the table and say a bit about ourselves.’

The fear of being encouraged to ‘do that impression you do’.

The terror of hearing that later you’ll be required to present your ideas to the room.

Staying in the same job forever to avoid any possible leaving speech scenario.

The collective despair when someone raises their hand after the room is asked, ‘So, any questions?’

Foolishly having a go at an accent during a joke and ending up sounding Welsh, unless it’s Welsh you were attempting, in which case you sound Indian.

Watching aghast as someone reclines their seat.

The nervy, unnatural feeling of having boiling liquid poured into a cup that’s balanced on a tiny tray being held above your face, 30,000 feet above ground.

Being told to enjoy your meal, flight, stay or birthday and replying, ‘Thanks, you too!’

Running out of ways to say thank you when a succession of doors are held for you, having already deployed ‘cheers’, ‘ta’ and ‘nice one’.

Bob’s your uncle ‘And there you have it.’ Can occasionally mean a man called Robert is one of your parent’s brothers, but this is rare.

Knackered Extreme weariness, usually the first word said by most British office workers on a Monday morning.