Reckoning, judging, evaluating, leaping in, taking it personally, being bored—the helping act has any number of invitations to reactiveness and distraction. Partly we are agitated because we so intensely want to help. After all, someone’s in pain. We care. So part of the time we are listening, but we may also be using our minds to try to solve the problem. There’s a pull to be efficient, to look for some kind of resolution. We reach for certain familiar models or approaches. In order to be helpful, our analytic mind must stay on top of it all. So we jump between listening and judging. But in
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