On Becoming A Person: A Therapist's View on Psychotherapy, Humanistic Psychology, and the Path to Personal Growth

by Carl R. Rogers

Despite its origins in the helping relationship, Rogers’s philosophy is grounded in Thoreau and Emerson, in the primacy of self-reliance.

A second learning might be stated as follows—I find I am more effective when I can listen acceptantly to myself, and can be myself. I feel that over the years I have learned to become more adequate in listening to myself; so that I know, somewhat more adequately than I used to, what I am feeling at any given moment—to be able to realize I am angry, or that I do feel rejecting toward this person; or that I feel very full of warmth and affection for this individual; or that I am bored and uninterested in what is going on; or that I am eager to understand this individual or that I am anxious and fearful in my relationship to this person.

This is important to all - especially those that tend to dissociate from their emotions.

One way of putting this is that I feel I have become more adequate in letting myself be what I am. It becomes easier for me to accept myself as a decidedly imperfect person, who by no means functions at all times in the way in which I would like to function.

Once you accept this, it becomes easier to shape your actions to your self, and express yourself as you choose.

This must seem to some like a very strange direction in which to move. It seems to me to have value because the curious paradox is that when I accept myself as I am, then I change.

Yes indeed.

Here is another learning which has had importance for me. I have found it enriching to open channels whereby others can communicate their feelings, their private perceptual worlds, to me. Because understanding is rewarding, I would like to reduce the barriers between others and me, so that they can, if they wish, reveal themselves more fully.

A modern day Socrates, where he pushes the person towards the conclusion of their logic so as to find the heart of the matter to the person, and understand them as a person, to then offer guidance and education about the possibilities - this should be what all counselors and therapists hope to be.

There is another very important learning which has come to me in my counseling work. I can voice this learning very briefly. I have found it highly rewarding when I can accept another person.

Acceptance is a very powerful trust building tool, and acceptance of our humanity is a reset button on our current skew of willpower failure, often the one that brings a person to therapy.

All this is involved in acceptance, and it does not come easy. I believe that it is an increasingly common pattern in our culture for each one of us to believe, “Every other person must feel and think and believe the same as I do.”

I have noticed, sometimes a release of that buildup is necessary before the real conversation can begin. So yes, accept that they need that release, accept their humanity, and speak with them, not to them and guide them.

The next learning I want to state may be difficult to communicate. It is this. The more I am open to the realities in me and in the other person, the less do I find myself wishing to rush in to “fix things.”

I am much more content simply to be myself and to let another person be himself.

Meaningful change comes from within, not through the manipulations of others.