Boundaries for Leaders: Results, Relationships, and Being Ridiculously in Charge

by Henry Cloud

the time and energy that you do invest in people issues should produce better results and create teams and a culture where momentum and energy thrive.

In other words, our brains need to be able to: (a) focus on something specific, (b) not get off track by focusing on or being assaulted by other data inputs or toxicity, and (c) continuously be aware of relevant information at all times.

“How are we doing in what we said we would be doing?”

Through one simple boundary, the leader of Company A got his team attending to what was relevant in several ways: sharing tips and best practices, modeling healthy behaviors, and creating ongoing learning opportunities for the team.

The leader also created some explicit rules to inhibit or disallow counterproductive behaviors. For example, the meetings had two rules: first, “no whining,” and second, “no problem solving unrelated to sales.”

In fact the best leaders will tell you that their strategy is always to surround themselves with people who are smarter than they are, and then empower them to do what they do best. And that takes focus in and of itself. That is not controlling; it is leading to set that agenda.

Good boundaries, both those that help us manage ourselves and lead others, always produce freedom, not control.

What are the ways that you ensure “attending” is happening in your team, direct reports, or company as a whole? What are the ways that you ensure that distractions, or toxic elements, are inhibited? What are the ways that you keep what is important alive and constantly remembered in a flow of progress?

But be aware of the fact that as a leader, your position carries much more psychological and emotional weight than you know. People want to please their leaders; they don’t want to let you down. As a result, they can often hear criticism in ways that you never intended, and that adds to the complexity of your job as a leader.

You must always hold people accountable for performance. But even if the day comes when you have to let someone go, you will be like the father in the example at the beginning of this chapter. You will say something like, “So sorry that you just lost your job. How can I help you?”

The prevailing thinking patterns of a team or an organization—its norms and belief systems—will define what it is and what it does.

Are there individuals you need to talk to who spread the virus of negativity?

Are there any individuals you need to talk to who spread the virus of pessimism?

By “right kind of action,” I do not mean mere activity. Busyness is not action that builds momentum or results. The action you want is action that specifically drives results. And the accountability you want is the kind that drives success, not the kind that only measures results and keeps score.

as teams are coming up with those drivers and counting them, and setting targets with specific deadlines together, or with whomever they report to, they can be held accountable together for the right actions.

Change requires energy, and producing it is one of a leader’s greatest jobs. Learned helplessness, and its concomitant negative thinking, suck energy right out of an organization. A leader must set very strong boundaries against helplessness and negativity; he must also provide the fuel to get people moving. Getting people to attend to what they can control that affects results, while inhibiting activities and thinking that don’t, is one of the most powerful ways to create energy where there has been stagnation.

How much control do you think you give to people in your team and organization, making them feel empowered to affect results?

leaders get what they create, or what they allow. So,

Communicate to Understand: We seek to thoroughly understand and be understood.

We listen to understand and respectfully question to achieve clarity, IN BOTH MESSAGE AND MUTUAL EXPECTATIONS. We openly discuss critical issues, and deliver difficult messages with care.

WE COMMIT TO NOT LEAVING IMPORTANT THINGS UNSAID AND WE AVOID SAYING THEM TO SOMEONE ELSE OTHER THAN THE PERSON WHO SHOULD HEAR THEM.

We CONTINUALLY differentiate between what is vital and what is merely urgent. We set clear, strategically aligned goals and focus on execution of priorities while balancing short- and long-term business needs. We proactively remove barriers, solve problems, and prioritize to ensure the vital work gets accomplished, WITH A CONTINUAL PRESS TOWARD BOTH DEFINING AND EXECUTING THE VITAL.

Customer Intimacy: We build customer relationships that guide our success.

WE DO THIS BY LISTENING, CREATING, AND FINDING VARIOUS TIMES, WAYS, AND CONTEXTS TO INTERACT WITH THEM, BOTH IN THEIR WORLD AND OURS. WE MAKE SURE THAT WE SHARE ALL THAT WE KNOW ABOUT OUR CUSTOMERS WITH ALL OF OUR PEOPLE.

Connected: We partner with our colleagues to achieve results.

WE SERVE AS EACH OTHERS’ RADAR, FLAGGING THREATS EARLY ON AND COMMUNICATING THEM QUICKLY.

Deliver: We do what we say we are going to do. We

INCLUDING MATCHING, COACHING, AND DEVELOPING TALENT AND BUILDING THE CAPACITY NEEDED TO DELIVER ON ALL MILESTONES.

AND WE WORK WITH UNITY AND COMMITMENT EVEN WHEN WE DISAGREE.

BY MODELING, DEVELOPING EACH OTHER, AND GIVING FEEDBACK RESULTING FROM CONSISTENT OBSERVATION AND INVOLVEMENT WITH OUR EMPLOYEES AND THEIR PERFORMANCE AND NEEDS.

A team is not a “group of people.” A team is a group of people who have a shared purpose or goal. The shared purpose or goal brings them together to perform to reach that goal.

shared purpose or goal. It does not belong to a person, but to the team as a whole. As a result, it is going to take the entire team to make it happen. That is the essence of a team.

“But as powerful as all of that is, it would never have worked if we had not done all of that earlier work on the culture of the team, especially ‘building trust.’”

“Well, those discussions are difficult. They get to hard topics, looking at whose part is not working, what ideas failed, which efforts are contributing, etc. That can be hard to say and hard to hear.

Too often individual agendas and functional silos stand in the way.

Connection through Understanding Motivation and Intent Character Capacity and Ability Track Record

The first requirement to build trust is to connect through understanding the other person. Remember, people do not trust us when we understand them. They trust us when they understand that we understand them.

I told them they were going to have to build more trust at two levels. They had to be able to trust each other to really say what they were thinking, and they had to trust each other that if they said it, it would be well received, even if disagreed with.

Blind spots An inability to connect with others Being more of an individual contributor than a team player Managing one’s own career more than the interests of the team Not being able to deal with negative realities—failure—or criticism Having an aversion to risk and always gravitating to the secure path Lack of discipline Poor or indirect communicator or “yes” person

On the other hand, when people exhibit other character attributes—a willingness to listen, to seek the truth, to persevere, to try to be wise, to take calculated risks, to work for the team over their own interests, sacrificing and serving, to be disciplined, and to be kind and understanding—we trust them. We move toward them and will give more of ourselves to them and want to serve them. We know that it will be worth it. Sacrificing for a person of good character, investing in them, always accomplishes something good, while lots of effort can be wasted on people whose flaws are significant enough to make our investment fruitless.

Another factor influencing trust is someone’s capacity to actually do what we trust him or her to do. Someone can be very connecting and understanding, and have a really good intent toward us, but still not be trustworthy to do something specific because they don’t have the capacity to pull it off.

That is a track record. If the team is going to trust someone, that person is going to have to build a track record of bringing results in some area. Of performing well in that ability. Of delivering well in what has been promised. Or at least having delivered in ways that would logically make sense to trust her in this new way.

A team is a group that has to work together to get a shared vision or goal accomplished.

The law is this: the higher you go in leadership, the fewer external forces act upon you and dictate your focus, energy, and direction. Instead you set the terms of engagement and direct your own path, with only the reality of results to push against you.

Being an open system means, basically, that you are not arrogant enough to think that you have all the answers, or that your organization has all the answers, or even that you should. You know that there is experience and energy outside of what you bring that can add to your personal and organizational infrastructure, and you open yourself up to it.

Set very, very strong boundaries with yourself against any tendency you might have toward defensiveness, blame, or denial when given feedback. The weakest leaders are threatened by feedback, and often completely closed off to insights that are so easily seen by others. Strong leaders embrace feedback, seek to understand it, and put it to use.

The problem is that the brain is wired to avoid pain and anxiety. Over time, when you continue to avoid things that cause you fear or anxiety, such as this CEO’s fear of letting someone struggle, a pattern builds up, causing you to respond almost automatically to any situations that would cause you that anxiety. As a leader, you cannot allow a pattern of fear and avoidance to rule you.

One of the most important self-boundaries that leaders have to establish is against the tendency to put off changes that they know need to be made.