The Peacemaker

by Ken Sande

The best way to glorify God in the midst of conflict is to depend on and draw attention to his grace, that is, the undeserved love, mercy, forgiveness, strength, and wisdom he gives to us through Jesus Christ.

Every time you encounter a conflict, you will inevitably show what you really think of God.

By your actions you will show either that you have a big God or that you have a big self and big problems. To put it another way, if you do not focus on God, you will inevitably focus on yourself and your will, or on other people and the threat of their wills.

There are three dimensions to the peace that God offers to us through Christ: peace with God, peace with one another, and peace within ourselves.

Peace and unity are so important that Jesus commands us to seek reconciliation with a brother even ahead of worship!

Deuteronomy 29:29 tells us, “The secret things belong to the LORD our God, but the things revealed belong to us and to our children forever, that we may follow all the words of this law.”5

Therefore, instead of wasting time and energy trying to figure out things that are beyond our comprehension, we need to turn our attention to the promises and instructions that God has revealed to us through Scripture.

In fact, instead of asking his supporters to pray for his prison door to be opened, Paul urged them to pray that “God may open a door for our message” (Col. 4:3, emphasis added; cf. Eph.6:19–20).

The Golden Result says that people will usually treat us as we treat them. If we blame others for a problem, they will usually blame in return. But if we say, “I was wrong,” it is amazing how often the response will be, “It was my fault too.”

On the one hand, you can trust God and seek your fulfillment in him (Ps. 73:25). You can ask him to help you to continue to grow and mature no matter what the other person does (James 1:2–4). And you can continue to love the person who is blocking your desire, pray for God’s sanctifying work in his or her life, and wait for the Lord to open the door for progress at a later time (1 John 4:19–21; Luke 6:27). If you choose this course, God promises to bless you and, no matter what the other person does, to use your difficult situation to conform you to the likeness of Christ (Rom. 8:28–29).

We cross the line, however, when we begin to sinfully judge others, which is characterized by a feeling of superiority, indignation, condemnation, bitterness, or resentment. Sinful judging often involves speculating on others’ motives. Most of all, it reveals the absence of a genuine love and concern toward them. When these attitudes are present, our judging has crossed the line and we are playing God.

As we grow in faith and awareness of our sin, most of us recognize and reject overt and obviously sinful means of punishing others. But our idols do not give up their influence easily, and they often develop more subtle means of punishing those who do not serve them.

You may need to bear certain effects of the other person’s sin over a long period of time. This may involve fighting against painful memories, speaking gracious words when you really want to say something hurtful, working to tear down walls and be vulnerable when you still feel little trust, or even enduring the consequences of a material or physical injury that the other person is unable or unwilling to repair.

Therefore, when people focus on interests rather than positions, it is usually easier to develop acceptable solutions.