The ability to remain relaxed at will also means one is able to remain calm and thoughtful when one’s partner is anxious. Remaining calm in the presence of another’s anxiety saves many a situation from escalating to the crisis point. Further, the ability to choose emotions and physiology, to control anxiety as one challenges one’s patterns of reactivity, defines self-boundaries. Self-control is a hallmark of all separate-but-equal, well-functioning relationships.
