Thus, relationship work, paradoxically, is a solitary project. It may feel like growing a self. It is not necessary, important, or even possible to work on the other person. One cannot change another person, though the temptation to try is always there. Change must come from within the self, for one’s own reasons. Differentiation in the other may be stimulated by one’s own efforts to differentiate a self, but the other cannot be encouraged, prodded, or advised in this respect. The impetus must come solely from within the self.
