Extraordinary Relationships

by Roberta M. Gilbert

What then is love? When all is said and done what does it mean to love someone? The view of love derived from family systems theory is entirely different from any other view. Perhaps it is a refreshing view that stands in contrast to the view represented on television, in movies and in the culture in general. The most loving that one can be may at the same time be the most difficult way of being, requiring the best that is in one. A loving relationship requires effort to keep the big picture, the process, the system, and one’s principles constantly in mind. It requires effort to keep one’s boundaries well tended and intact. Equality and openness must be worked at. If one loves, one will be loved, but not all the time. Perhaps the highest form of loving is, through all the emotional excitement of togetherness, simply to be able to maintain a separateness that focuses on being the best self one can be and defining that self, while remaining in calm, thoughtful, meaningful contact with the other, accepting the efforts of the other at being the best self he or she can be over time.