Mr. Darcy's Diary

by Amanda Grange

He has made love to you in order to gain your fortune, and in order to hurt me!

For her to learn that the rogue had never loved her must hurt her.

That he could have used Georgiana in his schemes, his playmate of gentler times.…He is lost to all decency.

though i do know that Wickham is terrible, I feel like all of this is said in conjecture, and i feel like he should have learned a bit more about the situation or had some sort of proof to make it more believable?

Caroline suspected that their haste in calling marked them out as the parents of an elderly, unattractive spinster whom they wished to see married,

damn, i mean she right but still

She is still not handsome enough to tempt a man of my worth, but she has more beauty than I at first thought.

rolling my eyes out of my head right now

She had set herself up as my adversary, and I felt an instinct to conquer her rise up inside me.

gag.

It seemed absurd, all of a sudden, that I should expect so much from the opposite sex, when a pair of fine eyes was all that was needed to bestow true happiness.

I cannot believe I am comparing myself to George Wickham! I must be mad. And yet if Elizabeth…I must not think of her as Elizabeth.

I had never liked Caroline less.

I thought I had rid myself of my admiration for her. I thought I had forgotten her. But I was wrong.

I am in torment. After all my promises to myself. After all my resolutions, this – this! – is the result.

She stared, she coloured, and was silent. How could she not be? There was nothing for her to say. She had only to listen to my declaration and then accept me. Knowing that I had fallen beneath her spell, she knew full well that the door of Pemberley would be open to her, and the world of society would be hers.

honestly, i really need to see some character growth from this man before he makes me irritated

and I found that I was not so much speaking to Elizabeth as to myself, thinking aloud all the thoughts that had plagued me over the last few weeks and months.

‘Your mother, with her vulgarity and prattling tongue; your father with his wilful refusal to curb the wild excesses of your younger sisters. To be joined to such girls!’

i don't remember this part of this conversation, author really went wild with Darcy's feelings

My speech had been impassioned. I had done what I had never done for any other human being; I had bared my soul.

honestly not sure i liked this rewrite. This would have been a good moment to keep the OG speech to connect this rewrite with the originial as is done with all the other quotes/verbal conversations but c'est la vie

She had been waiting for my declaration; expecting it; I was sure of it. She could not be unaware of my attraction, and any woman would be elated to have won the hand of Fitzwilliam Darcy.

ew

If I had behaved in a more gentleman-like manner? When had I ever been anything but a gentleman?

I spared him a fate which I did not spare myself, and yet I was not easy. I had acted badly, I must confess it. My honour demanded it.

‘I spoke nothing but the truth.’ ‘If we all spoke the truth there would be a great deal of unhappiness in the world, and particularly at such a time. Some things are better left unsaid.’ ‘I abhor deception,’ I said. ‘And I abhor a blockhead!’

I did not like to hear her abusing Miss Lydia Bennet, no matter how justified her censure. To abuse someone else never sounds well. As I thought it, I felt myself grow uneasy. I had abused Lydia in just such a way, and to her sister. It was small wonder that Elizabeth had not liked to hear it.

I find it difficult to believe that I was so ungenerous, but I know that such was the case. What was it she said to me? That I was ungentleman-like? How well the remark was deserved.

‘Does your brother have a flirt in the north?’ I asked Caroline. ‘No. No one has taken his fancy.’ ‘You do not think he still has feelings for Miss Bennet?’ ‘None in the world,’ she answered decidedly. But I think she is wrong.

It is small wonder she had been so angry with me at the parsonage. I only wonder now that she was not even angrier. I begin to see clearly why she refused me. And to see that, through my own pride, arrogance and folly, I have lost the woman I love.

Of all this Elizabeth could have been the mistress. But she had refused my hand. She had not allowed any considerations of position or wealth to sway her, and I honoured her for it. I did not know another woman who would have acted in such a way. I felt again all the misery and pain of having lost her.

A gentleman would have set her at ease. A gentleman would have made her feel at home. A gentleman would have asked to be introduced to her companions. How far below this mark I had fallen! I resolved to mend matters at once.

I saw Elizabeth and her aunt exchange glances, and I could not help but notice Elizabeth’s look of astonishment. Did she think me incapable of being polite? Perhaps. I had given little evidence of it in Hertfordshire.

I had not said any of the things I wanted to say, but the knowledge that I would be seeing Elizabeth again sustained me. My spirits felt lighter than they had done for a very long time.

I noticed her aunt glancing from one to the other of us, but I did not disguise my admiration for her niece. Let her know it. I would like to let all the world know. I am in love with Elizabeth Bennet.

I listened with complaisance as she ran on in a similar fashion. Nothing she could say could pierce my happiness. I thought only of Elizabeth. She had not repulsed me. She had not spoken to me with disgust and contempt. She had been polite, and agreeable, and there had been that in her manner which led me to hope she was not indifferent to me.

It was clear to me that Caroline’s remarks were inspired by jealousy. I had wondered, on occasion, if she fancied herself the next Mrs Darcy, but dismissed the notion. Now I was sure of it.

For the first time in my life I cursed civility, good manners and breeding. They had always seemed so important to me, but they now seemed valueless because they were keeping me from Elizabeth.

the amount of times i have rolled my eyes while reading this is insane

I saw the jealousy in her eyes, and heard it in her voice. I had never realized until that moment how deeply she wanted me.

? Is he dumb?

To think I once dismissed them without even knowing them, and rejected Elizabeth because her relations did not fit my notion of what they should be! Had I turned such a critical eye on my own relatives I might have realized that she was not alone in having undesirable connections.

What did it matter if her mother was silly and vulgar? I did not want to marry Mrs Bennet.

I wished I was Bingley at that moment, so that she had spoken to me. Why did she favour my friend? Why would she not look at me? Did she not wish to? I was in misery.

‘You should do as I do, and choose a book,’ I said. He walked over to me and took it from my hands, then turned it round before handing it back to me. ‘You will do better if it is the right way up,’ he said.

Her mother may be the most dreadful woman it has been my misfortune to meet, but I would tolerate a dozen such mothers for the sake of Elizabeth.

‘I cannot fix on the hour, or the spot, or the look, or the words, which laid the foundation. It is too long ago. I was in the middle before I knew I had begun.’

I look forward to the day when I will have Elizabeth with me at Pemberley, free of all her relations.

We stopped for the night at a small inn and I am making the most of the opportunity to write my diary, for there will not be time later. I am looking forward to this evening. After dinner, our true marriage will begin.

Gag

She has just learnt that Anne is to marry Colonel Fitzwilliam.