Mr. Darcy's Diary

by Amanda Grange

She is like no woman I have ever met before. She is not beautiful, and yet I find I would rather look at her face than any other. She is not gracious, and yet her manners please me better than any I have met with. She is not learned, and yet she has an intelligence that makes her a lively debater, and renders her conversation stimulating.

It is a long time since I have had to fence with words, indeed I am not sure I have ever done it before, and yet with her I am frequently engaged in a duel of wits.

Is she a sphinx, sent to torment me? She must be, for my thoughts are not usually so poetic.

She looked surprised, as though she had expected a cutting retort, and I was glad to have surprised her, the more so because she is forever surprising me.

I find her quite bewitching, and if it were not for the inferiority of her station in life I believe I might be in some danger, for I have never been so captivated by a woman in my life.

And yet if Elizabeth…I must not think of her as Elizabeth.

And I could provide Elizabeth with so much more. But I will not think of it. I am resolved never to think of her again.

It is not pleasant to wake from a dream and find oneself trapped in a nightmare.’

I thought I had rid myself of my admiration for her. I thought I had forgotten her. But I was wrong.

I took myself to London and immersed myself in both business and pleasure, but none of it would remove the memory of you from my mind,’

‘Relieve me from my apprehension. Still my anxieties. Tell me, Elizabeth, that you will be my wife.’

If she should marry him… I will not think of it. If I do, I will go mad.

I noticed her aunt glancing from one to the other of us, but I did not disguise my admiration for her niece. Let her know it. I would like to let all the world know. I am in love with Elizabeth Bennet.

I knew instantly that she belonged there. As I watched her, I saw a future stretching out in front of me, a future in which I saw Elizabeth and myself living at Pemberley. I wanted it more than I have ever wanted anything, and I can only hope she wants the same.

Her mother may be the most dreadful woman it has been my misfortune to meet, but I would tolerate a dozen such mothers for the sake of Elizabeth.

‘I cannot fix on the hour, or the spot, or the look, or the words, which laid the foundation. It is too long ago. I was in the middle before I knew I had begun.’

As she cradled the infant in her arms, she looked at me in a way that made my heart stand still, and suddenly babies became the most interesting thing in the world to me.

I thought last year was the happiest of my life, but I think this one is going to be even better.