Demons

by Fyodor Dostoevsky

This strong and rough man, whose feathers were constantly being ruffled, had suddenly softened and brightened. Something unusual and entirely unexpected had begun to stir in his soul. Three years of separation, three years of a broken marriage had dislodged nothing from his heart. And perhaps every day of those three years he had dreamed of her, of the beloved being who had once said ‘I love you’ to him. Knowing Shatov, I can say for certain that he would never have allowed himself even to dream that any woman could say ‘I love you’ to him. He was fiercely chaste and modest, regarded himself as a dreadful freak, hated his own face and character, compared himself to some monster who was fit only to be taken around and exhibited at fairs. As a consequence of all this, he valued honesty above all things and dedicated himself to his convictions to the point of fanaticism; he was sullen, proud, quick to anger and sparing with words. But now this single being who had loved him for two weeks (he had always, always believed that!), this being whom he had always regarded as immeasurably superior to himself despite his utterly sober understanding of her faults; this being whom he could forgive everything, everything (of which there could be absolutely no question, for just the opposite was actually true, so that in his eyes he himself was guilty of everything before her), this woman, this Marya Shatova, was suddenly again in his house, before him again… this was almost impossible to...