The Complete Enneagram: 27 Paths to Greater Self-Knowledge

by Beatrice Chestnut

Focusing on what’s missing such that nothing measures up and nothing can be taken in Observe the way your attention habitually goes to what is missing in any given situation. Notice if this helps you to improve things such that you benefit from what’s happening, or if it functions as an excuse to dismiss or devalue what is happening or as a way to avoid constructively engaging with your present reality. Observe the ways in which you apply this to people and generate ambivalence, distancing yourself or thwarting potential connections by focusing on others’ flaws. Notice if you get stuck in ambivalence by focusing on what isn’t good enough. Observe the ways in which you focus on the past as a way of devaluing what’s happening in the present. Notice any push-pull patterns you see in your relationships, and think about why you push and why you pull. Note how you fixate on what’s missing and “throw the baby out with the bath water” such that you don’t take in the good parts of a situation or a relationship.