The Complete Enneagram: 27 Paths to Greater Self-Knowledge

by Beatrice Chestnut

Align your desires with what’s possible. Naranjo points out that envy is an “excessive desiring.” Fours’ desiring is excessive because it grows out of an early and painful experience of frustration and because it “asks for more than can be expected.”20 Waiting for what’s perfect or having unrealistic expectations of others can be ways of defending against opening up to getting the love you want. Without settling for less than what is truly satisfying, try to notice when you are asking for more than you can get as a way of defending against disappointment, and experiment with moderating your expectations and requests. Notice when you avoid accepting something good because you’re busy finding fault with it, and challenge yourself to see all the things that could be satisfying and “good enough.”