The Complete Enneagram: 27 Paths to Greater Self-Knowledge

by Beatrice Chestnut

Observe and accept your emotions instead of over-identifying with them. Consciously identify and accept your emotions without becoming attached to or over-identified with particular emotions (or emotions in general). Some Fours, who may have been shamed for having feelings early on, may also need to consistently remind themselves that their feelings are valid and important, regardless of how others may have reacted to them in the past. Consciously notice when you get stuck in specific emotions, especially hopelessness, sadness, or regret. Recognize how this might be a way of avoiding moving through and mourning real losses and getting to the other side. Allow yourself to have your feelings, move through them, listen to the information they bring, and then let them go. Most importantly, recognize how the act of getting lost in your feelings operates to protect you from taking action or reaching out in productive ways to actually get what you need—make the choice to let go of your emotions after you’ve felt them sufficiently. Consciously shifting your attention from your feelings to thinking or taking action will help you avoid fixating on your emotions in unproductive ways, valid though the emotions themselves might be.