The irony of the Four coping strategy is that by idealizing what you want as perfect and perpetually distant, you cut yourself off from getting what you want in everyday life. By dwelling on your own inadequacies, you convince yourself that you aren’t good enough to get what you want and unconsciously prevent yourself from attaining it—your beliefs shape your reality. By over-identifying with certain emotions, you distract yourself from taking action to get what you need and want (and believing that’s possible). Although you focus much attention on what, exactly, you want—and fantasize about
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