You Are a Badass®: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life

by Jen Sincero

Start paying attention: What are your favorite, self-sabotaging stories? What do you hear yourself think and say over and over again that has become who you are (or rather who you think you are)? Bust yourself in your own tired old broken records right now so you can set about rewriting your stories and create the kind of life you love.

We don’t realize it, but we’re making the perks we get from perpetuating our stories more important than getting the things we really want because it’s familiar territory, it’s what we’re comfy with and we’re scared to let it go.

1. List off your old stories that you’ve gotten into the habit of thinking and saying. 2. Journal about the false rewards you get from them. 3. Feel into these false rewards, thank them for their help, and decide to let them go. 4. Take each false reward and write a new, powerful story to replace it with. 5. Repeat this new story, or affirmation, over and over and over until it becomes your truth. 6. Behold your awesome new life.

Talk to strangers, wear something different, go to a new grocery store, make dinner for someone who you want to get to know better, change toothpastes, go to a movie at 2 p.m. on a Wednesday, learn three new jokes, walk taller, notice five awesome things you’ve never noticed about your home, your beliefs, your mother, your face. Do things that pull you out of your routine and you’ll be amazed by the new realities that were there all along that suddenly presents themselves.

Whether it’s an online dating profile you’re not ready to post or a trip you want to take after you lose ten pounds or a business you want to start as soon as you save enough money . . . just start. Now. Do whatever it takes. You could get run over by the ice-cream man tomorrow.

I’d like to remind you, and me, that the majority of the pain and suffering in our lives is caused by the unnecessary drama that we create. If we happen to find ourselves, for example, in a catatonic state of overwhelm, hugging our knees while rocking back and forth with our mouths hanging open, just like everything else in our lives, all it takes is a shift in perception to create a new reality.

We are so unbelievably blessed to have all the things we have, all the opportunities and ideas and people and tasks and interests and experiences and responsibilities—choosing to freak out about it all, rather than enjoying the living of our lives, is like throwing pearls before swine. Such a waste of such a glorious gift.

Stop talking about how busy you are. Focus on what you enjoy about what you do and the spaces in between the doing instead of feeling weighed down by it all. Decide that you live an awesome, relaxed life full of interesting projects that you love doing and communicate that to the world and yourself. And then go out and merrily do it.

Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing. To keep our faces toward change and behave like free spirits in the presence of fate is strength undefeatable.

There’s that incredible moment when you decide, “screw it, I’m going for it,” and suddenly the thrill overtakes the fear. And then you’re flying on the magic carpet—you’re signing on the dotted line to buy the house, confronting your father, sliding the ring onto the finger, stepping onto the stage in front of thousands. I mean, talk about feeling alive!

When you find yourself letting fear push you around, look at it from a different perspective. Start by breaking it down, finding what it is that you’re really afraid of and then flipping it around to make it work for you, not against you. Show it who’s boss. Feed your fear a suck-it sandwich. For example: I want to write a book but can’t get myself to sit down and do it. Why not? I’m scared that if I do it will be terrible. What happens if it’s terrible? If it’s terrible I’ll look stupid. Then what? People will make fun of me. Then what? I’ll feel ashamed. Okay, so you’re not writing your book in order to protect yourself from feeling stupid and ashamed. Now flip it: How stupid and ashamed will you feel if you don’t write your book? Very. I know it’s a brilliant idea. And it’s a big dream of mine. So will your strategy of not writing it in order to protect yourself from feeling stupid and ashamed protect you from feeling stupid and ashamed? No. And since you’re risking feeling stupid and ashamed either way, which version is worse—trying to write it and having it be terrible or never going for it and living an unlived life of mediocrity, wimpiness; and shame? Living an unlived life of mediocrity, wimpiness; and shame. Break it down so you can really look at, and defuse, what it is about a situation that’s scaring you. Fear is all about how you choose to look at things, so by changing your perspective on it you can let the fear of NOT doing the thing you’re scared of fuel yo...

Be more conscious of the information you absorb. What blogs do you read? What shows do you watch? What books do you read? What stories do you read in the paper? What movies do you go to? Whose opinion do you ask? What do you focus on in your day-to-day life? This isn’t about being in denial or out of touch with what’s going on in the world, it’s about how much of this information you really need. Are you staring at a car accident or are you gathering information that will allow you to contribute to positive change?

Start noticing the things that drive you nuts about other people, and, instead of complaining or judging or getting defensive about them, use them as a mirror. Especially if you find yourself getting really worked up. Get mighty real with yourself—is this quality something you have yourself? Or is there a certain aspect to it that you’re loath to admit is just like you? Or does it remind you of something you’re actively trying to suppress? Or avoid? Or that you’re actively doing just the opposite of? Or that you’re threatened by? Become fascinated by, instead of furious about, the irritants surrounding you and get yer learnin’ on.

When it comes to the creatures you love and the things you love and the life you love, what on earth could possibly be more important than soaking them up right now while you still have the opportunity? If it’s something you want to do, don’t wait until you’re less busy or richer or “ready” or twenty pounds lighter. Start right now. You’ll never be this young again. If it’s the people you love, visit them as often as possible. Act as if every time you see them will be the last. If they bug you sometimes, love them anyway. If you’ve got differences, get over them. Don’t get so tangled up in the stupid little stuff that you miss out on enjoying the people who have part-ownership of your heart.

The moment it gets hard or expensive or puts you at risk of looking like a moron, if you haven’t made the decision, you’ll quit. If it wasn’t uncomfortable, everyone would be out there all in love with their fabulous lives.

So often, we pretend we’ve made a decision, when what we’ve really done is signed up to try until it gets too uncomfortable.

The only failure is quitting. Everything else is just gathering information.

If you’re going to push through major obstacles to reach your goal, you can’t just want to want to; you need to be in a full-on tizzy of excitement about what it is you’re going after and hold on to it like a pit bull. In order to do this you need to have the audacity to be honest about what you really want to do, not what you should do, believe it’s available to you regardless of any evidence otherwise, and go for it.

Erase the phrase “I don’t know,” from your vocabulary and replace it with “I’ll know what to do soon enough.” Decide to become the person who makes quick, smart decisions and you will.

The old you, the one who has not yet decided to kick ass, is in the past. Stay present and do not, even for a second, look backward or entertain any ideas of straying from your decision. Think only of the new you.

The whole point of deciding is to stop wasting time and to move forward, not to spend time figuring out how you can wiggle out of your decision! It helped me to think of it this way: I’m not going to go home and negotiate about whether or not I’m going to smoke a cigarette just as I’m not going to go home and negotiate about whether or not to snort some horse tranquilizers. I don’t negotiate about snorting horse tranquilizers because I’m not a horse-tranquilizer snorter.

However easy or rough your birth process is, you have to be willing to fall down, get up, look stupid, cry, laugh, make a mess, clean it up and not stop until you get there. No matter what.

It was about no longer being the kind of person who takes what she can get, and finally becoming the kind of person who creates exactly what she wants.

In other words, act as if you’re where you want to be, don’t hang out with sad sacks and people who whine about how broke they are all the time, erase the words “I can’t” from your vocabulary, envision what you desire, set goals, demand of yourself that you become who you need to become to create the life you desire. Our relationship to money is just as important as the action we take to manifest it, which is one reason why so many people who work their asses off their whole lives, but who have lousy energy around money, are left wondering why they have nothing to show for it.

One of the best things you can do to improve the world is to improve yourself.

It’s a grassroots effort. So if you need money to improve your life, get over it already and go get yourself some. ’Cuz this isn’t just about you, m’kay?

There is a big difference between walking around saying you want to make a million dollars a year, and having crystal clear intentions, fierce desire, and hell-bent action toward specific goals.

when you’re moving into a new, awesome life that you’ve never lived in before, you can’t expect to know how to get there because it’s new territory, so you can only do that which you already know how to do and stay open to discovering the new how.

Surrendering is the free-falling backwards into the unknown and trusting that The Universe will catch you. And this can’t be done from a place of lack or a place of mistrust—OK, I’m releasing, you better come through beotch!—you have to give it all you’ve got and totally let it go for reals, you must fall back, have faith, be grateful, and wait.

God will not have his work made manifest by cowards. —Ralph Waldo Emerson; fearless writer/poet, highly-skilled spewer and doer

An epiphany is a visceral understanding of something you already know.

lots of people wish for change, really, really want it, are willing to invest the time and money into it, but are ultimately not willing to get uncomfortable enough to actually make anything happen. Which means they don’t want it as badly as they say they do.

People who are successful are not only willing to get uncomfortable, but they know they have to make a habit of it if they want to stay successful.

Birth is messy, painful, scary, uncertain, and freaky. Birth is also a glorious miracle that leads to new life. If you want the new life you say you want, you have to do the work instead of just studying and discussing and wishing and wanting.

Think of what behaviors would make the biggest, positive changes in your life (maybe even the kinds of changes you can hardly imagine coming true) and set about turning them into habits.

Write down your goals and your vision of your ideal life in the present tense and be as specific as possible. Where do you live, who do you live with, what do you do for fun, who are you surrounded by, how much money do you make, how do you make it, how do you give back to the world, what are you wearing, etc. Make it so freaking awesome that you can’t read it without weeping and wailing and putting it down to compose yourself every few sentences. Read it to yourself before you go to bed and when you wake up every single solitary day I am so not kidding over here. Become obsessed with it. Think about how you’re changing your life and who you’re becoming and be in a state of giddy expectation about it as often as possible. The more you focus on who you’re becoming, and the more emotional you can get about it, the faster you will become it.

Getting some coaching or mentoring is perhaps the fastest and best thing you can do to make a massive change in the shortest amount of time.

Make a playlist of songs that gets you pumped up, listen to motivational tapes, surround yourself with pictures of people who think you’re awesome, wear clothes that make you feel sexy and smart, dance, scream, pound your chest, go for a run while listening to the theme from Rocky—figure out what makes you feel like you could carry a horse over your head and do it as often as possible. You are going for the gold here, you have to stay in The Zone.