Probably the single most confusing thing that people tell each other is “I love you.” We long to hear this powerful and reassuring message. Taken alone, however, unsupported by consistently loving behavior, this is frequently a lie—or, more charitably, a promise unlikely to be fulfilled. The disconnect between what we say and what we do is not merely a measure of hypocrisy, since we usually believe our statements of good intent. We simply pay too much attention to words—ours and others’—and not enough to the actions that really define us. The walls of our self-constructed prisons are made up
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