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Plato compares the soul to a chariot being pulled by two horses. The driver is Reason, one horse is Spirit, the other horse is Appetite.
Our ways of bonding to others; how we trust; how comfortable we generally feel with ourselves; how quickly or slowly we can soothe ourselves after an upset have a firm foundation in the neural pathways laid down in the mammalian right brain in our early years.
When we become practised self-observers we are less likely to trip ourselves up by acting out our hidden feelings, less likely to repeat self-sabotaging patterns and more likely to have compassion for ourselves and therefore for others.
In the same way that it is useful to be able to separate ourselves from our feelings, it is also necessary to be able to observe our thoughts. Then we can notice the different kinds of thoughts we have, and can examine them, rather than be them. This allows us to notice which thoughts work well for us, and whether any of our internal mind chatter is self-defeating.
Externally referenced people are more concerned with the impression they make on other people: What do I look like? What does this look like? Internally referenced people are more concerned with what something feels like: Do I like the feel of this or that better? Externally referenced people want to get it right for others (so they will be accepted, impress them or be envied by them) but internally referenced people want to get it right for themselves (so they feel comfortable with themselves).
We live in a so-called ‘age of reason’, and yet, research such as Sperry’s and Damasio’s demonstrates, many of our ideas, feelings and actions come from the right brain, while the left brain makes up reasons for those ideas, feelings and actions retrospectively.
hateful thoughts about ourselves or others; unconstructive self-scoldings; pointless pessimism. These types of thoughts can go round in circles; they get us nowhere and can cause depression.
Basically there are two sorts of cultures. In crowded countries such as Japan and Britain we tend to have ‘negative-politeness’. This means that people are aware of others’ need for privacy, and their desire not to be intruded upon. In countries where there is more space, like the USA, people are more inclined to practise ‘positive politeness’, where the emphasis is on inclusion and openness.
In contrast, there are those who trust too much and are therefore too vulnerable.
It may help to remember when you receive a complaint that it is only nominally about you; it is really information about the person making the complaint.
Good stress keeps our brains plastic. A plastic brain can adapt, stay flexible, remain connected to community, and cope with the inevitable changes that life brings. Good stress motivates us by activating our curiosity, firing our enthusiasm and feeding our creativity.
people who interpret events in pessimistic ways are more likely to become depressed and ill, and live shorter lives than those who find positive meanings.
am not saying it is not important to be informed about what is going on, but to be informed repeatedly about bad news will give us neither a balanced view of our world nor of the other people who inhabit it.
The trick is to increase your tolerance for vulnerable feelings, rather than avoid them altogether.
When I began to practise self-observation, and noticed the fantasies I was having and the stories I was feeding myself, I decided to focus on other things when that particular fantasy visited me, and I was able to minimize the habit.
