We: Understanding the Psychology of Romantic Love

by Robert A. Johnson

It is a momentous discovery that we have taken our instinct for wholeness and projected it completely into our loves. We have taken the imago dei out of the temple, out of heaven, and suddenly relocated it here in our midst, contained in the relationship between two human beings. This is the incredible reversal of human instincts, the momentous rechanneling of human energies, that was accomplished in the sorcery of the love potion. In the feeling of being possessed by our loves, of being caught up in some power that completely overwhelms us, we rediscover our religious life. So long as we are “in love” with someone, the world takes on a brightness and meaningfulness that no mortal human being could ever bestow. But when we fall “out of love” the world suddenly seems dismal and empty, even though we are still with the same human being who had inspired such rapture before. This is why men and women put such impossible demands on each other in their relationships: We actually believe unconsciously that this mortal human being has the responsibility for making our lives whole, keeping us happy, making our lives meaningful, intense, and ecstatic!