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January 27 - January 28, 2019
Effective Accountability Is Involved Early Rather Than Late.
Many accountability groups function as an opportunity for a delayed confession of sin. You must change this pattern if you want to be free from porn. You must begin to reach out to your accountability partners when you are tempted instead of waiting for a meeting to confess your sins after the fact.
You will not experience dramatic change in your struggle as long as you use accountability to describe your sins instead of declaring your need for help in the midst of temptation.
Effective Accountability Involves Someone with Maturity.
Effective Accountability Involves Someone with Authority.
Effective Accountability Should Avoid Explicit Details.
“Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. It is shameful even to mention what the disobedient do in secret” (Ephesians 5:11–12).
You cross a biblical line when you give detailed descriptions of the scenes you’ve viewed or explain the specifics of where you located your porn.
Effective Accountability Places the Responsibility for Confession on the Person with the Problem.
The responsibility to confess sin and expose the darkness lies with the person who has committed the sin. It’s not the job of spiritual mentors to go on a fishing expedition to reel in a confession from those they are trying to help. A person passively waiting to provide answers to specific questions is in a far different place spiritually than a person who is willing to take the initiative to expose their struggles in the pure light of day. In other words, keep the responsibility where it belongs and simply invite the person to share where they have sinned and need help. This will reveal just
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Effective Accountability Must Actually Hold People Accountable.
True accountability involves three elements. First, you need to find someone who understands that the commitment to accountability is more than simply the commitment to meet regularly. They must be willing to take time through the week to pray for you, call you, answer your calls, and check up on you. The calling to be a spiritual person who restores another caught in a sin is a high and holy calling that requires time.
True accountability also requires someone who possesses the biblical knowledge and practical wisdom to guide you toward purity. This does not require years of experience or advanced degrees. It can be any growing Christian who is walking in sexual purity and is willing to read this book along with you.
Finally, true accountability requires an effort to be committed in the long term. It’s quite typical for these sorts of relationships to start strong, only to taper off after a relatively short period. When people get lazy and stop trying, failure is not far be...
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“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell.” Matthew 5:27–30
First, Jesus provides a serious standard. If a person wants purity, it is not enough to avoid having a physical, sexual relationship with someone who is not his or her spouse. If they want purity, Jesus says, they must not want sex with someone who is not their spouse. Jesus raises the standard of purity from physical acts of fornication to lustful intentions of the heart and lustful looks of the eyes.
Jesus follows this with a serious strategy for fighting sexual sin. If you are tempted to violate the standard and commit sexual sin, then Jesus says you must gouge out your eye or cut off your hand. You must not only remove these parts of your body; you must also throw them away. Jesus won’t allow you to retain these sinning body parts in hopes of using them later. He commands that you cast them away and abandon any future prospect of using them again for sinful purposes.
Finally, Jesus discusses the serious stakes of disobedience. Why does Jesus urge such radical measures? Because of the life-and-death nature of the consequences. Employing radical measures is the path to life, while indulging sin is the path to hell. God does not forbid sexual immorality because he wants you to be miserable; God forbids it because sexual immorality leads to brokenness, sadness, emptiness, death, and hell. Righteousness, on the other hand, leads to fullness, joy, peace, and life. According to Jesus, sin is not complicated. There are two simple choices and two guaranteed
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You will need to employ radical measures in at least three areas. You look at porn when you have the desire to see it, when you have the time to look at it, and when it is available to you. Nobody looks at pornography without all three of these elements coming together. In your fight to be free from pornography, you must learn to take radical steps to eliminate each one.
Foundationally, this battle begins in your heart—with your thinking.
Second, you must remember Scripture. Scripture memory is not just a pious spiritual discipline for people who are more holy or mature than you are. Scripture memory is a powerful weapon that can give you victory in your battle against porn. The psalmist says to God, “I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you” (Psalm 119:11). The Bible—internalized as a treasure in your heart—is available as a powerful ally against temptation. You have access to an entire Bible full of passages you can hide in your heart to help you in temptation. You can memorize Psalm 119:11;
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Third, you must reach out for help. Repentance is crucial. Remembering the Bible is essential. But as important as it is to be armed with these powerful graces, you are not designed to fight the battles of sin and temptation alone. You must call in reinforcements. You should have several people you’ve talked with in advance who will hold you accountable, people you can call when you are in trouble. I often tell people that I want them to feel comfortable calling me at any time of the day or night. They might wake me up in the middle of the night, but it’s better to do that than to sin.
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This means you must limit the time you spend alone—especially in the early phases of the struggle against pornography. Be honest with your accountability partner about the typical times when you are alone and find yourself tempted. Make plans to spend those times with others. You can study together, take a walk, play sports, read the Bible and pray, or watch a movie. You can even have an accountability partner scheduled to call you during those times (with the requirement that you must pick up the phone) to check in on you. If you’re married, you may need to commit to going to bed at the same
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First, you can ask someone to put passwords on your computer, phone, or TV that will make it impossible for you to access the Internet or to view pornographic material without the code, which only your accountability partner or perhaps your spouse would know. You also should be denied administrative privileges on any devices that allow this. Such access should be reserved for the person who is holding you accountable.
Second, install accountability software on your computer and phone. This software is inexpensive, is available from many different sources, and either blocks objectionable websites or records your Internet activity and sends it to someone of your choosing. It’s best to use software that does both. You also should implement filtering and monitoring strategies for your router—not just for your individual devices.
Third, you can get rid of any equipment you use to view pornography. In our high-tech age we often consider it impossible to exist without our computers, tablet devices, smartphones, or TVs. The honest truth is that you don’t need any electronic device, but you do ...
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First, radical measures give you space in which to grow. Change takes time. Old ways of living must die; new ways of living must form. New kinds of thinking must be learned. If you are enslaved to pornography, God will not usually change your desires instantly but by degrees (see 2 Corinthians 3:18). Radical measures allow the space and time needed for you to direct your attention toward Christ instead of porn.
Consider your need to employ radical measures in your use of time. Write down and discuss with your accountability partner the times when you are most tempted to view porn. Make a plan together to fill this time with activities that will move you toward purity.
“Whoever conceals their sins does not prosper, but the one who confesses and renounces them finds mercy” (Proverbs 28:13).
First, it is important to confess sin because the Bible tells us that confession is the way we receive the promise of God’s mercy and blessing.
A second reason it is important to confess sin has to do with the kinds of mercy that come to those who confess. One kind of mercy that comes with confession is the blessing of openness and restoration in relationship. Sin separates you from those you’ve sinned against, creating walls between you and those you love.
A third reason it is important to confess your sin relates to yet another kind of mercy that accompanies confession.
But at the heart of it, there is likely a more selfish reason for not confessing your secret sin: you are loving yourself and your reputation more than you love God and others; you are proud.
Confess Your Sin to All Who Have Been Touched by Your Sin.
Do Not Confess Your Sin to Those Who Are Not Touched by Your Sin.
Confess Your Sin with a Willingness to Accept the Consequences of Your Sin.
Instead, he needed to understand that his confession was the first step toward a solution.
After you resolve to confess, know that it’s not your job to figure out all the possibilities, plan for every contingency, and worry about all the potential responses. Your job is simply to be faithful and do the next right thing. Confess with a willingness to accept consequences and work toward long-term restoration.
Consider Confessing Your Sin with a Third Party Who Can Help with the Response.
Confess Your Sin Thoroughly, but Not Necessarily Exhaustively.
Confess Your Sin without Making Any Excuses for Your Sin.
When you sin, you are the one responsible (Mark 7:21–23). Other people can sin against you, make your life difficult, and entice you to sin, but they can never make you sin. When you sin, it is always your fault, and you should never say or do anything to make it sound like the fault lies elsewhere.
First, you must avoid living in fear and instead trust in God’s Word.
Second, if you are to fight your fears and know the mercy of confession, you will find you can’t do it yourself. You need power. You need grace.
You can never stop thinking about something by trying not to think about it. If you want to get something out of your mind, you must begin thinking about something else.
My son, pay attention to my wisdom, turn your ear to my words of insight, that you may maintain discretion and your lips may preserve knowledge. For the lips of the adulterous woman drip honey, and her speech is smoother than oil; but in the end she is bitter as gall, sharp as a double-edged sword. Her feet go down to death; her steps lead straight to the grave. She gives no thought to the way of life; her paths wander aimlessly, but she does not know it. Now then, my sons, listen to me; do not turn aside from what I say. Keep to a path far from her, do not go near the door of her house, lest
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In the end, you should be broken over porn, not just because it damages your relationships with God and others, but because you are using women to serve your sinful flesh instead of sharing Christ with them.
God shows us that when a man goes near the forbidden woman, he faces horrible consequences in three areas: he gives his honor and years to the merciless; he gives his strength and labors to strangers; and his flesh and body are consumed. To put it simply, pornography destroys your time, your strength, and ultimately your body.
Drink water from your own cistern, running water from your own well. Should your springs overflow in the streets, your streams of water in the public squares? Let them be yours alone, never to be shared with strangers. May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. A loving doe, a graceful deer— may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be intoxicated with her love. Why, my son, be intoxicated with another man’s wife? Why embrace the bosom of a wayward woman? Proverbs 5:15–20
Rejoice in the wife of your youth.
