Time to Think: Listening to Ignite the Human Mind

by Nancy Kline

the way she gave attention to people had helped them think better, to think for themselves, sometimes for the first time in their life.

the quality of a person’s attention determines the quality of other people’s thinking.

This is not to say that advice is never a good thing or that your ideas are never needed. Sometimes your suggestions are exactly what the person wants and needs. Many times a robust exchange of ideas is perfect for the task. But don’t rush into it. Give people a chance to find their own ideas first.

‘What else do you think about this? What else comes to mind that you want to say?’

The next time someone asks for your help with a problem, remember that the brain that contains the problem probably also contains the solution. Then set up the conditions for them to find it.

I sensed I had been treated to only a minuscule amount of what was probably an unimaginable depth of human connection, still intact in native societies. Eyes were, in a way, superfluous there; eyes were actually everywhere. Eyes were in our skin and breathing, and in our respect for each other. Eyes were in our interest in what the next thought would be. My thoughts were on her thoughts. Seeing her was an act of being whole. It could not be compartmentalized.

question works because, unlike a statement which requires you to obey, a question requires you to think. The mind seems to prefer to think, not to obey.

in ordinary life the mind wants to think for itself. It resists commands. It responds to questions.

notice the problem, find the limiting assumption and replace it with a freeing one.

Their assumption is that people can’t talk about something until they have thought about it first. I believe it is more true to say that people can’t think about something until they can talk about it first.

Showing appreciation, short, accurate, genuine, is vital. I think we should become seed-sowers of confidence and intelligence in the people around us by doing this simple thing.

This is particularly important to do, and difficult, when someone is angry. Especially if they are angry with you. When they are angry, they are not thinking very well, so don’t try to reason with them. Don’t get in there with them as if they were logical at that moment. They are needing to say what is making them angry. Listen just the way you would listen to an interesting idea from them.

Notice that the second you realize there is misinformation, however minuscule, however tangential, bobbing in and out of the person’s thoughts, the temptation can be overwhelming to stop them and supply it. This sudden craving to correct them emerges usually when your discomfort at being there, at ease, giving attention is eating you alive. This urge grabs you because you sense that finally you will have something ‘active’ to do. It feels good. Beware of this zing.

Asking for information should occur only if it is necessary for the person thinking to think well. And the question should be asked only when it will not interupt a successful stream of thought.

‘What do you already know that you are going to find out in a year?’ This question requires you to supply and face your own information. Ask it at the beginning of any relationship or enterprise or change.

Caroline Allen of the No-Nonsense Team of Consultants said in a speech she made at a renowned management college in Britain: In the next century organizations will become increasingly virtual: places in cyberspace with fluid workforces; where time means everything and space means nothing, where structures cannot be defined on graph paper. In this world organizations will be the relationships between the players: the employees, the customers, the suppliers and the varied communities in which the networked organization operates. The relationships will be all that actually exist. Discovering what individuals can offer will no longer be possible by standing over their backs with a stop watch. As physical tasks become more and more the domain of the robot, people’s contribution will be the result of what they think, not what they do. Creating a Thinking Environment for each other then becomes ever more essential. The dynamics of the relationship between two thinking partners are the building blocks of tomorrow’s organizations.

The danger with coaching lies in the perceived need for the coach to appear brilliant, to be seen to have all the answers. When coaches are focused on looking wonderfully clever, they do not listen long enough. They summarize and interpret and direct far too early in the session. Coaches need to realize that the brilliant person is the client. The coach’s job is to help the client discover that.

handing them the moon. Ten minutes before the end of the class, divide students into Thinking Pairs and give them each five minutes to talk without interruption, and with full attention from their partner, about what they have learned in that class and what was confusing to them. In listening to each other they will learn even more.