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by
R.T. Kendall
Moreover, I thought, God fully understood and sympathized with my particular circumstances. In other words, I rationalized my attitude and behavior.
Which do I prefer—the peace or the bitterness? I couldn’t have it both ways. I began to see that I was the one who was losing by nursing my attitude of unforgiveness. My bitterness wasn’t damaging anyone but myself.
Having been on both sides, I can tell you: the peace is better. The bitterness isn’t worth it.
This matter of getting rid of bitterness and totally forgiving one another is difficult to deal with.
Detached forgiveness—there is a reduction in negative feelings toward the offender, but no reconciliation takes place.
Limited forgiveness—there is a reduction in negative feelings toward the offender, and the relationship is partially restored, though there is a decrease in the emotional intensity of the relationship. Full forgiveness—there is a total cessation of negative feelings toward the offender, and the relationship is fully restored.
But this book is also about total forgiveness even if there is not a restoration of the relationship. One must totally forgive those who will not be reconciled.
What matters is that the Holy Spirit is able to dwell in us ungrieved, able to be utterly Himself. The degree to which the Holy Spirit is Himself in me will be the degree to which I am like Jesus and carry out His teachings.
It is often easier, then, it seems to me, to forgive what is done to us personally than what is done to those we love. But
What was Jesus’s response? “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing” (Luke 23:34). This must be our response as well.
Forgiveness The
ultimate proof of total forgiveness
takes place when we sincerely petition the Father to let those who have hurt us off the hook—even if they have hurt not o...
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What impresses the world most is changed lives for which there is no natural explanation.
Totally forgiving someone doesn’t necessarily mean we will want to spend our vacation with them, but it does mean that we release the bitterness in our hearts concerning what they have done.
If you must tell another person what happened—because you can’t contain the pain—tell only one, and choose someone who won’t repeat it. I only hope they will be as faithful to you as Josif was to me.
Just as God forgives people without approving of their sin, we also must learn that forgiving people does not imply an endorsement of their evil deeds. We can forgive what we don’t approve of because that is the way God has dealt with each of us.
Willful blindness is slightly different from repression. Blindness is a conscious choice to pretend that a sin did not take place; repression is usually unconscious and involuntary.
But literally to forget may not be realistic. It is usually impossible to forget meaningful events in our lives, whether positive or negative.
It is a demonstration of greater grace when we are fully aware of what occurred—and we still choose to forgive.
It is no spiritual victory to think we are forgiving people when we are only avoiding facing up to their wrong behavior. It is, if anything, evading true forgiveness.
Total forgiveness is painful. It hurts when we kiss revenge good-bye. It hurts to think that the person is getting away with what they did and nobody else will ever find out. But when we know fully what they did and accept in our hearts that they will be blessed without any consequences for their wrong, we cross over into a supernatural realm. We begin to be a little more like Jesus, to change into the image of Christ.
Love is a choice. Total forgiveness is a choice. It is not a feeling—at least at first—but is rather an act of the will.
We clearly see and acknowledge the evil that was done to us, but we erase it—or destroy the record—before it becomes lodged in our hearts. This way resentment does not have a chance to grow. When we develop a lifestyle of total forgiveness, we learn to erase the wrong rather than file it away in our mental computer. When we do this all the time—as a lifestyle—we not only avoid bitterness, but we also eventually experience total forgiveness as a feeling—and it is a good feeling.
Vindication is God’s prerogative and God’s prerogative alone. Deuteronomy 32:35 tells us, “It is mine to avenge; I will repay.”
Vindication is what God does best.
So when we refuse to be instruments of punishment, God likes that; it sets Him free to d...
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“How much of what I am about to say or do is just an attempt to punish?” If punishment is our motive, we are about to grieve the Holy Spirit, however much right may be on our side.
Most of us do not talk about what happened for therapeutic reasons, but rather to keep our enemy from being admired. We divulge what that person did so others will think less of them. That is an attempt to punish—which is usurping God’s arena of action.
Therefore when I blurt out what someone else has done to me, I am apparently forgetting that God will not tell what I did to Him. He has forgiven me of much, and He won’t tell anyone about it.
Graciousness is shown by what you don’t say, even if what you could say would be true.
graciousness is withholding certain facts you know to be true, so as to leave your enemy’s reputation unscathed. Graciousness is shown by what you don’t say, even if what you could say would be true.
Total forgiveness sometimes means overlooking what you perceive to be the truth and not letting on about anything that could damage another person.
Confidence toward God is ultimately what total forgiveness is all about; He is the One I want to please at the end of the day.
It is my experience that most people we must forgive do not believe they have done anything wrong at all, or if they know that they did something wrong, they believe it was justified. I would even go so far as to say that at least 90 percent of all the people I’ve ever had to forgive would be indignant at the thought that they had done something wrong. If you gave them a lie-detector test, they would honestly say that they had done nothing wrong—and they would pass the test with flying colors.
Confidence toward God is ultimately what total forgiveness is all about; He is the One I want to please at the end of the day. He cares and knows whether I have truly and totally forgiven, and when I know I have His love and approval, I am one very happy and contented servant of Christ.
