Self-regulation does not refer to “good behavior” but to the capacity of an individual to maintain a reasonably even internal emotional environment. A person with good self-regulation will not experience rapidly shifting extremes of emotional highs and lows in the face of life’s challenges, difficulties, disappointments, and satisfactions. She does not depend on other people’s responses or external activities or substances in order to feel okay. The person with poor self-regulation is more likely to look outside herself for emotional soothing, which is why the lack of attunement in infancy
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