“What you said about hating yourself and feeling sorry for yourself. What if you were to replace your harsh judgments with some genuine curiosity about why you do what you do? What if you use drugs because you’re afraid that you can’t bear the pain without them? You have every reason to feel hurt after all you’ve been through. It’s not a matter of ‘fucking up.’ You just haven’t found any other way to cope. If your child had had the same experiences and ended up on drugs, would you accuse her so harshly?” “No,” Clarissa says. “I’d love her.… I’d give her tough love.” “Forget the tough,” I tell
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