Go Tell It on the Mountain

by James Baldwin

Their singing caused him to believe in the presence of the Lord; indeed, it was no longer a question of belief, because they made that presence real.

That moment gave him, from that time on, if not a weapon at least a shield; he apprehended totally, without belief or understanding, that he had in himself a power that other people lacked; that he could use this to save himself, to raise himself; and that, perhaps, with this power he might one day win that love which he so longed for.

reach. It was his hatred and his intelligence that he cherished, the one feeding the other. He lived for the day when his father would be dying

Her face became the face that he gave her in his dreams, the face that had been hers in a photograph he had seen once, long ago, a photograph taken before he was born.

Between the two faces there stretched a darkness

and a mystery that John feared, and that sometimes caused him to hate her.

just don’t want him beating on me all the time,” he said at last. “I ain’t no dog.”

“Your daddy beats you,” she said, “because he loves you.”

“Mama,” John asked suddenly, “is Daddy a good man?”

“Yeah,” said Roy, “we don’t know how lucky we is to have a father what don’t want you to go to movies, and don’t want you to play in the streets, and don’t want you to have no friends, and he don’t want this and he don’t want that, and he don’t want you to do nothing. We so lucky to have a father who just wants us to go to church and read the Bible and beller like a fool in front of the altar and stay home all nice and quiet, like a little mouse. Boy, we sure is lucky, all right. Don’t know what I done to be so lucky.”

And this uneasiness was reinforced by the impression, which at that moment he realized had been his all along, that his mother was not saying everything she meant.

And yet, looking down at him in a moment that

was like a secret, passing sign, her face did tell him. Her thoughts were bitter.

Roy sucked his teeth in fury. “I ain’t looking to go to no jail. You think that’s all that’s in the world is jails and churches? You ought to know better than that, Ma.”

She had forgotten about his birthday. He swore he would not mention it. He would not think about it any more.

These details did not help him, for the principle of their unity was undiscoverable, and he could not tell what he most passionately desired to know: whether his face was ugly or not.

John heard their coarse, irreverent voices. And he wanted to be one of them, playing in the streets, unfrightened, moving with such grace and power, but he knew this could not be.

Yet, if he could not play their games, he could do something they could not do; he was able, as one of his teachers said, to think.

“I didn’t never ask you,” she said, “what you wanted for your birthday. But you take this, son, and go out and get yourself something you think you want.”

His heart broke and he wanted to put his head on her belly where the wet spot was, and cry.

Your mama’s counting on you.”

But don’t you fret. The Lord’ll reveal to you in His own good time everything He wants you to know. You put your faith in the Lord, Johnny, and He’ll surely bring you out. Everything works together for good for them that love the Lord.”

she was trying to help him because she knew he was in trouble.

His father said that all white people were wicked, and that God was going to bring them low.

He said that white people were never to be trusted, and that they told nothing but lies, and that not one of them had ever loved a nigger. He, John, was a nigger, and he would find out, as soon as he got a little older, how evil white people could be.

He wanted to be like her, only more

powerful, more thorough, and more cruel; to make those around him, all who hurt him, suffer as she made the student suffer, and laugh in their faces when they asked pity for their pain.

The washtub, where his mother had been washing earlier, was open still, and filled the kitchen with a sour smell. There were drops of blood on the floor here too, and there had been small, smudged coins of blood on the stairs as he walked up.

“Roy got stabbed with a knife!” and rushed into the living-room.

except in his own vindictive fantasies:

John watched and listened, hating him.

“Now, you let your big brother tell you something, baby. Just as soon as you’s able to stand on your feet, you run away from this house, run far away.”

“It ain’t my fault,” she said, “that you was born a fool, and always done been a fool, and ain’t never going to change. I swear to my Father you’d try the patience of Job.”

“Then I guarantee you,” she said, “that they going to do their best to keep it from being their life. You mark my words.”

“You come here, boy,” he said, “and see what them white folks done done to your brother.”

painful. He could imagine the sensation caused when Roy staggered into the house, blinded by his blood; but just the same, he wasn’t dead, he wasn’t changed, he would be in the streets again the moment he was better.

“You see?” came now from his father. “It was white folks, some of them white folks you like so much that tried to cut your brother’s throat.”

What the hell is he talking about???

Look like you just determined to raise cain any how and make everybody in this house suffer because something done happened to the apple of your eye.”

This boy on the sofa went deliberately, with a whole lot of other boys, all the way to the west side, just looking for a fight. I declare, I do wonder what goes on in your head.”

You don’t know what to do with this boy, and that’s why you all the time trying to fix the blame on somebody. Ain’t nobody to blame, Gabriel. You just better pray God to stop him before somebody puts another knife in him and puts him in his grave.”

“Don’t you slap my mother. That’s my mother. You slap her again, you black bastard,

His father’s hands were at his waist, and he took off his belt. Tears were in his eyes.

His Aunt Florence and his father faced each other. “Yes, Lord,” Aunt Florence said, “you was born wild, and you’s going to die wild. But ain’t no use to try to take the whole world with you. You can’t change nothing, Gabriel. You ought to know that by now.”

Elisha, come to help him.

“Keep on,” said Elisha. “I see I’m going to have to give you your lumps tonight.”

Are they flirting???

“You teach me wrestling one time, okay?” “No, boy,” Elisha said, laughing, “I don’t want to wrestle with you. You too strong for me.”

Ain’t no woman, no, nor no man neither going to make me change my mind.”

abdicate

And God did not hear the prayers of the fearful, for the hearts of the fearful held no belief.

This was in answer to the prayers of the faithful, who had never ceased, both day and night, to cry out for deliverance.