When people are upset, there are usually two components: they are frustrated by the situation itself and they feel alone. We don’t realize this because what we hear is, “I have a problem.” It sounds as if they’re asking for help, so we respond by offering advice. But often what they want first and foremost is simply to feel less alone. They want to see that you care. If you try to fix things without first acknowledging and empathizing with their anguish, it appears to them that you’re being clinical, distant and intellectual, that you’re simply trying to avoid their pain.
