Siblings Without Rivalry: How to Help Your Children Live Together So You Can Live Too

by Adele Faber

They need some attention for what they’re feeling: ‘Claudia, it can be hard to watch your sister get new pajamas when you’re not. And even though you know all the reasons why she needs them and you don’t, it can still bother you.’”

Instead of showing equal love “I love you the same as your sister.” Show the child he or she is loved uniquely “You are the only ‘you’ in the whole wide world. No one could ever take your place.”

Level I: Normal Bickering. 1. Ignore it. Think about your next vacation. 2. Tell yourself the children are having an important experience in conflict resolution.

Finally, I sat down with my big boy and we talked about what a strange thing it was—this urge to snatch something out of someone else’s hand. ‘Even though you know you’re not supposed to, something inside you just wants to. There could be a hundred toys in the room, but somehow the best toy is the toy in someone else’s hands.’

For instance if one of my girls snatches a toy from another, I’ll say, ‘Oh, Casey, you really want to play with Emily’s bubble wand—right now. It’s hard to wait. The rule is no grabbing things from anyone. But you can tell Emily you want to use it next. She’s good at sharing.’