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February 19 - April 27, 2019
who specializes in treating severe mental illnesses. In other words, no matter who has diagnosed your partner,
diagnosis be clear and correct.
How has bipolar disorder affected my relationship as a whole? How has it affected me as a person? What is the hardest thing that I face daily regarding this illness? What do I want to see change right now? What do I need in my own life to find happiness? If things stay as they are, where do I see my relationship in the future? What is going well?
This will help you see where you are in your life and also
situation. When I get anxious, I can feel my pulse pounding in
stability. Each person is an individual and it is impossible
to know ahead of time which specific medications
will be eff...
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It’s human nature to want to know why a person with bipolar disorder can’t see the obvious. The answer is that loss of insight and self-awareness is a part of the illness and has to be treated as a symptom.
if the mood swings are extreme, especially the mania phases where judgment is lost,
You will learn in the next chapter that bipolar disorder is triggered by outside events, and problem relationships are one of the biggest triggers for the disorder.
Nancy focused on David.
When you find what works for yourself, you will have more energy to help your partner find what works for them. Some of the areas that often get brushed aside when your partner is ill are your spirituality, your physical well-being, or working on your own negative thoughts and worries with talk therapy.
I can remind myself not to take bipolar disorder behavior personally. I can’t reason with depression.
You can start with depression. Take out the symptom lists you have already created for depression and list your own ideas under each of the six categories from this chapter: (1) learn what your partner wants and needs, (2) learn to respond instead of reacting, (3) help your partner make wise relationship choices, (4) promote physical well-being, (5) seek alternative treatments, and (6) help with medications. This will get you started. You can also look over your depression symptom list and ask your partner what they feel does and doesn’t work to treat each symptom. This is a positive step, if
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Arguments
Poor relationship with spouse, family member, friend, or coworker
Poor sleep habits, staying up too late, or sleeping all day
___________ Lack of a schedule
Listening to negative internal dialogue
Trigger lists are not about what someone does wrong; they are simply a way of understanding and getting clear about what specific behaviors and situations provoke stress and bipolar disorder mood swings.
Lack of self-awareness and self-control
Upsetting or stimulating media:
Overuse of the computer
Involvement in an abusive relationship
Justifying staying up late because there is more energy
Ignoring the lack-of-sleep signals that they are ill, such as feeling wide awake and ready to clean the house at two o’clock in the morning
Here are some more mania triggers to look for: Stopping medications because they feel well Stopping medications because of side effects Taking non–bipolar disorder medications or supplements that cause mania (e.g., steroids or herbs) Taking medications that cause mania symptoms to worsen if the medication itself or the dose is not correct
Some social mania triggers are:
Going to stimulating places or events
a stable relationship. When this routine is changed, even slightly, it may cause problems for your partner. Stability is one of the most effective treatments for all bipolar disorder symptoms, especially mania. Be aware that the following changes can act as mania triggers: Changes to a set schedule A large change in the family, such as the birth of a child or a move to a new area Travel (especially across time zones) Time changes (such as switching to daylight savings time) A friend or family member moving away A change at work or school, such as a promotion or graduation Any change that you
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The two substances that never help and almost always harm are alcohol and any drug or food that interferes with sleep.
The home environment plays a large role in bipolar disorder symptoms.
make an agreement with yourself right now that you will no longer argue with your partner. It really does take two to argue. Arguments are very stimulating and trigger many bipolar disorder symptoms, from anxiety and panic attacks to violent behavior and suicidal thoughts.
then work with your partner to limit the effects of the triggers
Flooding takes place when someone has dealt with a stressful situation so many times that even a little part of the issue can make the person feel burdened under the full weight of the problem.
The use of words such as never, always, should, can’t, and none is a good indicator that the whole picture is not seen.
What on earth were you doing on the computer until three in the morning? You’ve never done this before. I just don’t understand you! What’s wrong with you? Response: The last time you were manic you talked just like this. We decided to work together on this problem and now is the time to deal with the bipolar disorder. I see the signs that you’re manic. Can you see them even just a little? These manic episodes have been devastating to our relationship in the past and now is our chance to stop this one before it gets out of hand. I’m going to get out our “What Works” list of things to do when
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We made a deal when we started working with the techniques in the book that your anger and irritation are not acceptable. Right now I’m telling you that this is not acceptable and we need to work on what’s causing this. You’re not normally like this and I’m not willing to live with it. I’m going to do the things on the “What Works” list we talked about when you were well, and we’re going to take care of this anger together. If you can’t do that right now, it’s fine. I know how strong the bipolar disorder is. You can go cool off somewhere or I can leave, but I won’t allow this anger in our
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Some of your partner’s leading actions may include crying, sighing, holding their head in their hands, wringing their hands, being short of breath, making exasperated sounds, giving big hugs to everyone, or muttering under their breath. You can learn to respond to these nonverbal clues just as you do to verbal leading comments.
needs. Paul: Until I learned to look for the signs that I
You’re not a saint, and it’s normal if you’re not attracted to your partner when they’re sick.
all of the time and are then very lonely when they withdraw
Pressure changes your partner’s brain and the sooner you accept this and learn to help your partner avoid or deal with pressure, the more stable your partner can become, and the more stable your relationship will be.
A great many of the people who are married to a partner with bipolar disorder say that, if they had known ahead of time what they would be getting into, they would not have married that person.
You often have to be a financial planner, a confidant, a therapist, a nurse, a parent, a provider, and a lover all at one time. This is a lot to ask of you and very few can do it all. So don’t despair if it’s wearing you out. It wears everyone out.
Depression in partners of people with bipolar disorder is common,
It takes a lot of acceptance to stay with someone who will have bipolar disorder throughout life. The illness will not go away and this is a fact you have to accept. If you’re still hoping that things will right themselves magically and you will have a totally normal relationship in the future, this is not realistic. Bipolar disorder will always need to be managed with medications and a holistic treatment plan.
It helps if you understand that many of your partner’s family members may have untreated mental illness as well. Mental illness does run in families.
My brain doesn’t want to do this. Bipolar disorder doesn’t want me to do this. I know the illness is controlling me. But for now I’m going to say no to that and act as if I’m well. I’m going to start with the first step of the project and take it from there. Bipolar disorder can’t do this, but I can.
