The Coincidence of Callie and Kayden (The Coincidence, #1)

by Jessica Sorensen

He’s the first person I’ve intentionally touched outside my family for the last six years.

I peek out of the corner of my eye at Kayden. He’s listening to me intently as he leans against the door with his arms crossed over his chest. Why is he looking at me like that? Like he’s actually seeing me.

“Will you take me with you? I want to leave too.” He rounded to the back of the bike, squatting down to check the tires. “Yeah, buddy, I will.” I pushed the throttle, pretending to drive away, and for a second I saw the possibility of a life without pain. “You promise?” He nodded as he messed with the air pressure gauge. “Yeah, I promise.” It turned out my brother was a liar just like everyone else in the house.

My mom kept me out of school for two weeks while I healed, telling the school, family, friends, neighbors—anyone who asked that I had strep throat and was highly contagious. I lay in bed almost the entire time, feeling my body heal, but my mind and will to live died, knowing it would never get better, that this was it for me.

She looks down at the brown carpet, so shy and innocent. The girl looks like she needs a thousand hugs to erase all the sadness she’s carrying around on her shoulders.

“But what if I take a chance and everything crumbles?” I ask. “What if I trust someone again and they steal something away from me. I don’t really have that much left before I’m hollow.”

I just pray to God he doesn’t shove me down and break me, because I’m already in too many pieces and I just don’t know how much more breaking I can take.

That’s how I want my life. Simple. I already have enough complexity locked away inside me to shadow the whole world with darkness.

It seems like she knows a lot of things, which is why I should be running away from her, before she finds out about me. But like my father always says, I was never that bright, and I have a feeling I’m not going to be able to stay away.

I laugh softly as she looks back up at me. She seems happy. As the music shifts to an upbeat rhythm, I decide to show off, just to keep her smiling.

I continue moving with her in my arms until the end of the song, and then we let go of one another and go back to the table as if nothing happened. Something did, though, but I’m not sure whether to pursue it or run like hell.

“Maybe we won’t have nightmares tonight,” I say. “Maybe things will be different.” He sighs. “I sure hope so, Callie. I really do.” For a minute I have hope. The night has been great and I feel like anything is possible, but then I close my eyes and it’s all stolen away from

Callie crosses her arms, studying me, and I lower the dart, but keep my eyes on the balloon. “Are you trying to make me nervous?” “No, why? Am I?” she asks uneasily. “Kind of,” I admit, looking at her.

I barely pay attention to what she’s saying, because I’m smelling her hair like a fucking weirdo. What the hell is wrong with me? Strange feelings clench at my chest, ones I was taught to shut off. It’s literally hurting me, like a knife to the chest, and all I want to do is fucking leave and go turn it off the only way I know how.

It’s my first real kiss; one that wasn’t taken away from me and held inside someone else’s hand. I thought I’d be more terrified, but if anything the nerves flying through my body are driven by the thrill of his tongue inside my mouth.

I realize the moment my lips touch hers that the day she came running up to the pool house to save my ass with her legs trembling, but her voice confident, something changed inside me. I have no idea what it is, but I know I want her, so fucking bad and I’ve never wanted anyone. Not like this. Want equals dependency and that is not what I’m looking for in my fucked up life.

Her small body trembles in my arms and I swear I’m going to lose it right then and there. I’ve never felt like this before, with anyone. It’s against the rules of surviving.

I’m not ready to let go of her yet and allow the world to catch up with me. I clutch at her waist, wishing we could just stay up here, in the quiet.

I still feel dirty inside, spoiled, rotten, foul. It’s killing me, gnawing away at my insides and I need to get it out. I shove my finger down my throat, desperate to get rid of it. I push and gag until my throat bleeds and tears slide down my cheeks.

the bandages beneath my shirt hidden, but I feel the pain. It’s all I feel.

I’m going to want to be near Callie and it’s unhealthy for both of us. I do the only thing I know. I go back home, hoping I can clear my head of her.

The fists, the beatings, the yelling, the blood. It’s all connected to me, like the veins under my skin and the scars on my body, along with this house, and what’s inside it—it’s all I have.

I thought about telling someone a few times when I got old enough that my brain could grasp the idea, but the fear and embarrassment stopped me. Besides, I shut down at an early age. After that pain was just pain. I can do pain. That’s the easy part of life. It’s everything else, happiness, laughter, love, that’s fucking complicated.

“You look hideous, Callie. I’m not going to lie. You’ve ruined yourself.” I’m more ruined than you think, I wanted to tell her. But she kept looking at me in disgust, like she wished for a second I didn’t exist and I felt exactly the same way. I bottled everything up, knowing I could never tell; that she would look at me with even more hate and revulsion if I told her.

So I let my shame own me, kill me, wilt me away into a thousand dead flakes, knowing if I kept it all in, she would never have to learn the dirtiness that was forever inside me—the bad, the ugly, the twisted.

My heart constricts inside my chest at the idea. Even though I keep telling myself to stay away from her, it hurts thinking that it might actually happen. I admit the truth about my feelings for the first time in my life. I actually have them. And I have them for Callie. Now what I’m supposed to do with them I have no fucking idea.

“You saved him. He was the first guy you ever trusted. He gave you your first real kiss.”

She trusts me at the moment and I’m worried I’m going to fuck it up, like I always do.

She nuzzles her face into my chest as I start up the sidewalk. I take my time because I love how it feels to carry her, the way she needs me, the way I need to protect her.

“You don’t have to go anywhere. I feel safe with you.” I pause. “Are you sure?” “Yeah, you make it seem like everything he did doesn’t exist.” “Callie, what are you talking about?” “It doesn’t matter.” She yawns and inches a little closer to me, tucking her hands under her cheek and curling her knees up. “I’m tired.”

“Kayden, thank you for taking care of me last night.” “It’s not that big of a deal.” He hesitates. “I owe you a lot more nights of that before we’ll ever be even.”

I want to find out what it’s like to be touched by someone I trust; by someone I give my permission to.

She made me laugh and smile and I was enjoying myself. My dark thoughts and problems had been contained more than they had in a long time.

I don’t understand it, but I need to be near her. I’ve never felt this way before and it’s exhilarating and fucking terrifying because I’ve never needed anything from anyone.

No one has ever needed me before because I’ve never let anyone that far in.

It feels like everything I’ve wanted, but didn’t think I could have.

“No one wants to handle hearing about a twelve-year-old being raped… I have to keep it locked away. I have to…” I trail off, knowing I’ll never get it back. I jerk from his arms, feeling ashamed, but he grabs my hand and yanks on my arm, crashing me against him. He cradles my head, smoothing my hair as my shoulders shake and my tears soak his scarred chest.

She cried forever and each sob nearly ripped me in two. It was like stitches coming apart. Eventually she fell asleep curled up against me with her head tucked against my chest.

“You don’t have to be with me because you feel sorry for me. I didn’t even mean to tell you that. I just got caught up in the moment.” I gaze down at her, astounded. “I’m with you because I want to be with you.” She swallows hard. “Even after what I told you?” I brush my finger along her cheekbone. “Callie, I feel the exact same way about you now as I did an hour ago. Nothing’s different.”

I let it slip out, hoping he’d freak out and let me go, but he did the opposite. He held on, allowing me to cry, letting me break apart, and giving me more than he’ll ever know. Saying it aloud to him was liberating, like I took hold of a part of my life again. I just hope it stays that way.

I think she thought telling me would scare me off, but it’s had the opposite effect. I want nothing more than to be with her and protect her, like no one ever did for me. I want to make sure nothing else bad happens to her.

“I’m becoming attached to our little talks and… and you’re the only one that really knows everything about me.”

wondering what it would have been like if we had been friends in high school. For some reason, I think that maybe things would have been a little easier and the pressure on my shoulders would have been a little bit more bearable.

I hang up and stare out the window at the leaves and dirt splattered against the grass, put there by the wind. How could the direction of my life change so fast? I’m doing things I wouldn’t normally do, trusting people, feeling things, living life. I wonder how long it will last.

I always believed that stuff like that wouldn’t be possible for me; that it would remind me too much of what happened, but all I was thinking about the entire time was Kayden. Everything else left my mind.

“I have to tell you something.” The back of my mind screams at me that I need to shut up. That I’m drunk and what I’m going to say isn’t good, but I do it anyway. “I’ve never felt this way about anyone before.”

“That’s you. Callie, you’re the only person that’s ever made me feel happy about anything. That night you saved me, you changed something in me—you made me want to live.” I tell her the truth,

“You’ll come right back, though? Promise?” He nods as he turns the truck into my driveway, parking it behind my mom’s car. “I promise.”

I think of Callie sitting back at her house, waiting for me; actually worrying about me. No one has ever worried about me before.

As Callie looks up at me, trusting me, I’m lost. No one has ever looked at me like that before; no one has ever made me feel the way I feel at this moment. It’s like every one of my scars has ruptured and the pain is real, but I can’t stop.