Everything Was Fine Until Whatever

by Chelsea Martin

I was upset, which was I felt like she had turned into some kind of weirdly responsible, conservative adult, which was never our plan.

I am alone again tonight but don’t worry I have this whole list of deep philosophical questions. And if that doesn’t work I will go through word documents changing periods to question marks.

You force his name casually into conversation and then you see him at Denny’s. He is with his girlfriend and she is not you. She doesn’t look anything like you.

He said, “I’ll give you fifty dollars to pretend you love me.” I said, “Okay, you’ve got one hour.” I wrapped my arms around him and said, “I love you.” He said, “Elaborate on that.” So I baked him a cherry walnut tart and sprinkled powdered sugar onto it. He said, “Be more realistic.” So I didn’t eat my portion and looked longingly into his eyes. I initiated a game of footsie that apparently made JR think our relationship was getting too complicated.

I never take myself seriously because I’m not boring enough. But I am boring enough to sit at a computer for hours typing out explanations of myself. I should measure my heartbeat

Sometimes when I think I’m in love I think, “Wait, no I’m not.”

Anyways, people only love each other so they can complain about each other.

want to know everything you know about me, what does it mean that I talk the way I talk, does that affect you, I’m serious, I’m honest, I’m that selfish, I’m really curious about this. You always tell me who I am, I like that, it makes me like you, I want to be more like what I seem like to you, I like that version of me, it makes me be able to stand you.

“But I love this filter,” I said. “Sometimes I think it’s the only thing in my life that’s consistent.”

And he says, “Being in love is really great, I think. You should be in love. You should try it.” And she says, “I don’t think we should talk about love.”

Tell people you’re ‘pro-abortion’, not ‘pro-choice’.

Sometimes on the bus I make men fall in love with me by looking out the window and thinking very unnecessary, negative things about them.

Everyone who lives in Brooklyn is always trying to sneak the word Brooklyn into conversation.

Everyone who lives in Honolulu regrets their first tattoo.

Do you want me to be sincere or do you want be to be myself?

There are two types of people. There is the type of person who gets really afraid of the world when they think about their own anatomy, and there is the type of person who gets really afraid of the world when they think about outer space. I forget where I was going with that.

– I like that drawing. You’re talented. And not in the pretentious way. I believe in you. I believe in Love and Positive Thinking and Global Warming and I believe in you.

I’d rather have nothing than something that isn’t exactly what I want. –personal philosophy success story.