Operating Instructions: A Journal of My Son's First Year

by Anne Lamott

So anyway, I had a baby last week.

He was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. He was like moonlight.

And no one ever tells you how crazy you’ll be, how mind-numbingly wasted you’ll be all the time. I had no idea. None. But just like when my brothers and I were trying to take care of our dad, it turns out that you’ve already gone ahead and done it before you realize you couldn’t possibly do it, not in a million years.

Part of me wants my body back, wants to stop being a moo-cow, and part of me thinks about nursing him through kindergarten.

crossed my mind recently that maybe we were using him like a drug, to avoid the terrible feelings we are having. But drugs take you away from what is in front of you, whereas Sam is what’s in front of us.